only first day back from vacation and I can feel the bullshit trying to creep back down my throat.
How do I beat it? I watched anime all day when I had nothing to do. Now I'm here at home between episodes of Oz and reading the idiot's guide to Tarot. According to a Celtic Cross reading I did, for me to make new friends during 2006, I'm going to have to work hard at it and keep a positive attiude and I'm afraid of infighting and treachery. However, much of the cards were major arcana/fate cards. Sounds like it's destined that I'm going to meet interesting people. Now all I need to do is get out and do something. Wanna come along?
...i'll finish later.
11:03pm
it's later.
Is it hard to be yourself?
It's an abstract question. Are you the sum of your surroundings, influence and upbringing, thus making your individuality so hardwired into your being that it's as primary to your nature as breathing? Or is it something that must be hard earned through searching, deciding, loving, hating, fearing, listening, talking, breaking through, hurting and other things that one comes across?
Can you only see your own individuality when it's reflected back at you from the outside world? You see someone's style and you like it, you hear music on the whatever you listen to music to and hate it? Do you see a movie and you identify with it so much that it becomes a part of you (i.e. trekkies, ringers, Rebels/Galactic Empire)? If it does, is that you or is that you wanting to lose yourself in something else?
If you walked into school wearing acid washed jeans and a Taz t-shirt, then later in the year walked in wearing Lucky brand jeans, a ringer T and a black blazer, is that you wearing the designer clothes or the clothes wearing you?
Consequently, does liking what others like mean you're a sheep or does it mean that your tastes are similar?
How do I beat it? I watched anime all day when I had nothing to do. Now I'm here at home between episodes of Oz and reading the idiot's guide to Tarot. According to a Celtic Cross reading I did, for me to make new friends during 2006, I'm going to have to work hard at it and keep a positive attiude and I'm afraid of infighting and treachery. However, much of the cards were major arcana/fate cards. Sounds like it's destined that I'm going to meet interesting people. Now all I need to do is get out and do something. Wanna come along?
...i'll finish later.
11:03pm
it's later.
Is it hard to be yourself?
It's an abstract question. Are you the sum of your surroundings, influence and upbringing, thus making your individuality so hardwired into your being that it's as primary to your nature as breathing? Or is it something that must be hard earned through searching, deciding, loving, hating, fearing, listening, talking, breaking through, hurting and other things that one comes across?
Can you only see your own individuality when it's reflected back at you from the outside world? You see someone's style and you like it, you hear music on the whatever you listen to music to and hate it? Do you see a movie and you identify with it so much that it becomes a part of you (i.e. trekkies, ringers, Rebels/Galactic Empire)? If it does, is that you or is that you wanting to lose yourself in something else?
If you walked into school wearing acid washed jeans and a Taz t-shirt, then later in the year walked in wearing Lucky brand jeans, a ringer T and a black blazer, is that you wearing the designer clothes or the clothes wearing you?
Consequently, does liking what others like mean you're a sheep or does it mean that your tastes are similar?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Good questions. I think we develop as induvisuals. No, I KNOW we develop. It's NOT hardwired. There are certain traits that I've found are hardwired in me, but not my entire being. For example, I've NEVER been a patient person. When I want something or am expecting something, I want it NOW. Wait for an answer? NO, it kills me. Patience is NOT one of my virtues. Hardwired.
However, after being with someone who controlled my likes and dislikes to his specifications, I've broken out and seen that I have so many things about me I never knew I liked or even disliked. I never thought 5 years ago I'd model for a website NUDE. oh gasp. Now it's not even a fucking big deal at all, moreover, I'm PROUD of it.
Lastly... When my best friend Scott shows me music, he's the ONE source from which I hear all new things, things I never knew existed, and things coming out now... When I hear this stuff, it's almost a 99% chance I will like it if he does, not for the same reasons all the time, but sometimes, yes. It makes me feel like maybe he sees it as a ploy to get closer to him or something, just SAYING I like something. Radiohead is a good example. He LOVES them, and it was out one musical difference for an entire year. Recently, he sent me a buttload of their songs, HIS favorites and a few others, and I just let them sit in my winamp for awhile. Then one day I'm listening and I start to hear the things I appreciate about them.
So I don't feel like a sheep. I just feel like my eyes are opened up a little more sometimes (in this case, my ears are opened up more