luxdivon

I felt the need to update i'm happy, which i think is being influenced by the cold weather, my cozy sweater my lovely cappucino that made my stomach warm like some good whiskey always has the trick of doing. i was at spiderhouse the other night, and was courageous more so than i've been in awhile. there was a guy there i had seen at various coffee shops for years, that i had never spoken to. he was always by himself as well. so i thought i should get up my nerve and talk to him. i had gotten a beer. and so i took a few dozen more gulps down to get that nerve to stand up and go walk over, and bum a cigarrate to smoke one (even though i dont really smoke) on occasion a cigarrate is the best thing, and inhaling the lovely filth is just what i'm looking for. that same night, a girl that works at central market that i mildly flirt with just with my eyes. she walked by me, and we held eyes a long time. i'm not sure if it was a test, or a flirtation, or just a recognization.
in other parts of the lux divon world, i have managed to get my logo together for music/design which i sent off to my sis. y'all can see it when i finally put my site up. i have four sketches half done. i'm still trying to eradicate from my body mind and soul my incessant questioning of 'is this good enough' does this have merit. does this deserve to exist. the way i tear everything down, nothing will ever be released. i'd like to pull my hair out now.
i have my songs all laid out on little sheets that have what all i need to finish on them.
i also have a secret angel over my head. and some funding.
now i just need a little luck, alot of concentration at one thing for long enough to fucking finish it, and some sense of knowing 'this is as good as its going to get' and to go with that.
i know i missed a great concert tonight, that i thought about going to, but then of course absentmindedly forgo. and besdies the friend i was going to go with had some work to do in san anton. Yo la tengo. reminded me of it, since something beautiful just came into the air here at metro. more classical and violin and strings. but its still nice. i'm in one of those dazes where i could just keep writing forever. in a stream of the everconstant moments of beauty that are occuring. beauty tragedy destruction, sex, discrimination, class structure, poverty, stupidity, brilliance, peace, joy.