lusyd

My grandma (step grandma i guess) died last night.

It's been a bad day. I can't seem to get a break. I woke up and went to work out right after i got the message and talked to my mom. She's taking care of her husband (it was his mom) and i'll be checking on them regularly today. She's shooken up. She married younger than her and his mom was only 4 years older than her.... and she died the same way my mom's mom did. Colon cancer that travelled up to the lungs.

Luckily Grandma Kathy (not my mom's mom) went through a hospice program that helped her live out her last few weeks in a bed in her living room on strong pain killers. She wasn't in any pain at all when she passed and her husband was there holding her hand when she did. She was religious... I'm not. But as I've said when my Grandfather and Grandmother passed: If there is a heaven I hope to God she's there. Because if anyone deserved it she did.






Now I'm just trying to not think about it. I've been cleaning all day, scrubbing hte house, doinghte laundry and trying to get my friend to come hang out with me so i can take my mind off of things. Every so often while i was cleaning today a song would come on my ipod that was so sad that i would just lose it. I've been sobbing uncontrollably on and off. And i feel weird for it. I didn't know he that well... but she meant the world to my step dad and i love him like a real dad. I dont kno what to say to him and I'm not sure now would be the best time. I just dont want them to hurt