lupine

i've had a revelation that i'd love to share.

one point of eternal struggle for me is the simple question: when to act, when not to? when i find myself purged of a particular problem, when i have done something right or learned some lesson, something always rises to replace what has fallen. like a endless book there's always another chapter and that's fine but...
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so my thanksgiving was good. the family is well and the friends in cambridge seem to be okay. its getting to be winter there, but we got the fireplace working in the living room and that seems to help a lot. many of the days were beautiful but i still went instantly into hybernation mode, and seemed to have slept most of my vacation away....
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so after a long absence i have finally returned. i'm in california now, longtime home, in berkeley, trying my best to do what everyone my age seems to have already done: craft a normal life.

as i ran around europe i realized i could run all i wanted...wasn't going to change wha i needed. no matter how much you pander to what you want, it...
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so its scotland and i'm ill.

its my own damn fault, really. knew i was coming down with something, knew my missing my allergy medication had slowed me down. what do i go do? i go out and don't go to sleep until 3. idiot. now all i feel is tired, ill, and embarresed. jamie and i were going to go to skye today, but...
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i've returned to california. i can now breath easier. of course, i'm only here for a handful of days before i'm off to london. life's hard.

my friend shuli pointed out to me a handful of days ago that i was totally preoccupied with getting a girlfriend while in cambridge. i'm sure i was, but i didn't notice it until she mentioned something. wow. talk...
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so i went to the first wedding of a college peer today. it was actually the second i was invited to, but the first one i could actually make. i have reached that age when even my (slightly younger) friends are pairing off for life. and i always thought i'd be the first one to walk down the aisle.

still, as i looked around this...
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i am once again reminded why i cannot live permenently on the east coast.

when i got here in june i was full of spit and fire, eager for all the uses of my energy, primed to do everything i could. july was hard but rewarding; i suffered from multipal setbacks and things at work took a small dive south. there was good in that...
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well, that's another birthday come and gone.

i was hoping to get to write during my actualy day of birth, 27 years ago, but it was not to be. really, seriously. too much damn stuff happend. friends came over, dinner happened, and now its 1:30. god, doesn't life suck? too much happening, too many good times. i have nothing to complain about.

thank you lydia,...
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so i had this dream last night of a tall office tower laregly empty, staffed only with white-collar workers devoid of all life. they would sit in random chairs, staring at nothing, convinced in their own minds that they were doing important jobs. like some kind of 'unplugged' matrix these poor wretches were being tricked, dupped into some kind of fantasy land. it was my...
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so 'land of the dead' was a bit less interesting in terms of mythology of the genre then i had hoped. the idea that the zombies were 'evolving' was played well, very subtly and often imperfectly, but the entire concept was left unexplained. plus, no one has bothered to spend any time on figuring out why the newly dead get up and walk around, why...
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so went clothes shopping with friends today. men's clothes (unless they're suits) bore me to tears and finding 'fun' stuff in the middle of the casual-formal spectrum is a painful process. still, if i'm going to montreal later this summer to run around in clubs and bars i can not look like a scruby californian; something must be done. so pants were bought, along with...
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