luluvixen

Ok... so it has been a hella long time since I wrtoe anything... I know, I'm sorry, ok

SO I have been crazy busy, changed jobs, working in the studio for a trunk show type thing coming up real soon, hanging out with my boyfriend, just got back from a vacation to BArcelona, etc., etc., etc.,

So how have all of you been?





A request of your most honorable participation

Go to youre your calendar and look at the date August 13th its a Friday. Now draw a red line from that date to August 20th cause you are going be busy heres why.

I have been deliberating over this concept with various friends for years. Last night several of us decided to put it on the calendar. Here is the general premise. On August 13th you will have already assembled your team of three to however many crew members you plan to fit in your soon to be chosen vehicle of transportation. Your group will be selected and appropriate according to diversity and consistent ridiculous behavior. We all meet at some undisclosed spot near NJ shore on Friday with our collective groups. We then begin searching the surrounding states for used car dealerships that specialize in very inexpensive vehicles. We purchase a road worthy vehicle for a maximum price of $500.00. We decorate, number and Fix Down our vehicles accordingly. You cannot have your car repaired or fixed up and you cannot purchase your car from a friend or a family member. Now it is very necessary that everyone ones vehicle and crew have a consistent theme, persona, costume, an identity. Of course you have to remain in character for the entire race. On Monday morning we race across the country in our new modified racecars. Our destination is some where in California, maybe Venice beach. The last leg of the race is an actual foot race to the ocean. Additional points will be awarded to the winner of that race. Through out the race we will all try to convene at select areas across America to party.

Now this is not a race based on speed or agility it is based on collecting points. There will be an elaborate list much like a scavenger hunt of things that you may consider achieving, visiting, and documenting that all have a variety of value. The car with the most points wins a grand prize and a trophy. Here are some examples:


A photo of the giant prairie dog 50 points
A post card directed towards the male homosexual community 50 points
Purchasing a refrigerator magnet featuring A fly fisherman 50 points
Purchasing a refrigerator magnet featuring A Camaro 100 points
Finding a menu item called a Breakfast Burger 200 points
Getting cursed out by a waitress 100 points
Making friends in Nebraska 100 points
Finding and Playing the Spy Hunter arcade game 200 points
Getting an autograph by some one who thinks they are famous 100 points
Sighing an autograph because you are mistaken as someone famous 200 points
Picking up a hitchhiker 100 points
Picking up a hitchhiker who is visibly intoxicated 200 points
Chasing pop rocks with coke 100 points
Air guitar on a stage with an audience (20 or more) 100 points
Getting pulled over and singing a song during the entire process of getting a ticket 100 points
Winning 10 dollars or more at a casino in Vegas 100 points
Catching a foot or more of air in your vehicle 100 points
Giving good directions 100 points
Giving directions that are obviously made up 150 points
Asking for directions to some where very far away 50 points
Asking for directions while going 60 or more miles an hour 100 points
Getting kicked out of an all you can eat establishment for stuffing food in your pants 200 points
Attending a local metal or punk show 200 points
Attending a local metal or punk show in Iowa 300 points
McDonalds Drive thru 50 points
McDonalds Drive thru naked 100 points
McDonalds Drive thru in reverse 200 points
Entering a Critical Mass in your car 200 points
Beef Jerky sandwich ingested completely by a member of your crew 200 points
Helping some one with a flat tire 200 points
Not helping some one with a flat tire 250 points
A mug shot of a crewmember 200 points
Elvis impersonator sighting 200 points
Finding a rope swing into water 200 points
Swimming in a public fountain 100 points
Getting mooned by a stranger on the road 200 points
Car wash windows open 300 points
BMX bandit with a mullet sighting 200 points
Eating a Zagnut bar in one single bite 200points
Singing Run to the Hills at a Karaoke bar in Iowa 300 points
Attending Mormon mass in a costume in Salt Lake City 300 points
Kissing a state patrol officer 300 points
Receiving a ticket for driving to slow 300 points
Shaking hands with a Mayor 400 points
Getting married in Vegas 500 points

If you think of any ridiculous things that might be appropriate let me know. Your crew will be chosen carefully consisting of at least a driver, a navigator and a documentarian. All antics must be documented. Your car must have a digital video camera and a still camera preferably digital. The end result of this project is a film, a documentary chronicling the events. This film will of course be
completely amazing and hysterical in every way.

Entry guidelines:

Like most car races not just anyone can enter this race I am only reserving spots for the most dedicated, ridiculous, and creative participants. The ideal participant will be a leader who has assembled a rag tag crew of able and completely dysfunctional individuals who are willing to put it all on the line in the name of being champions. If you think this is something you want to be a part of
please submit a 100 words or more essay outlining your crew and why they would be successful contributing candidates for the Indie 500 race.

Some things to consider before attempting to qualify:

You and your crew have to reserve the time once selected. You are contractually obligated to participate. No last minute, I couldnt get off from work, bullshit.

You need to supply your own documenting equipment, I recommend that their be a member of your crew who is handy with a camera. I recommend a member of your crew who is handy with a wrench and duct tape as well.

You have to be willing to create a successful identity for your crew. This could involve costumes, fake accents, bad haircuts, or just your typical selves that seem to be costumes. For example what if you were in some crappy New Wave band and you and all the members of your band decided to enter the race? Perfect. I would like to see pictures of you and your crew and/or an explanation on how you plan to suite yourselves for this race. I want the individual crews to be varied in appearance. I think the films overall success will lie in the diversity existing amongst the crews.

Rent Cannonball Run.

You may have figured it out by now that this really isnt a race at all its just an excuse to organize a grand road trip with dozens of fun people who are just down for a ridiculous time. Oh and I just want to show the world how retarded my friends can act.

I will be sending you a more thorough explanation of rules answering such questions as What happens if your car completely breaks down? Are spoilers legal? What do we do with our cars once we get to California? What the hell am I going to win?

Please forward this to anyone you think might be interested.

Sincerely, vin@kungfukitchen.com (my boyfriend)





I'll try and write more often