luffy

Now that the month is almost over, I feel like I have some room to breathe, and can start to think clearly again.
I don't know about you, but this month has been pretty intense, and filled with unexpected twists and turns, on even the simplest of levels.

There were three eclipses these past two months that were said to influence the way we live, and these three astrological events were saying to let go of ideals, beliefs and habits that no longer serve you... Boy, did I ever feel this!
In terms of how birthdays go, I can't say that this was the greatest birthday. On the surface, I was thankful to have that day to be thankful for my birth. However, on a deeper level, I was going through a few things that had brought up issues from the "deep dark past" that everyone of us has.
For instance, this month I've really had to look at where I stand with how I attract what I get in my life. I would consider myself a pretty positive person, but I am now aware of a few negative thought patterns that have kept me with a limited view of my world. I consider money to be more of a negative thing than a positive one. Although, I'm beginning to see that it is neither good or bad. Its just a tool, and you can think of it as you want, but its still not going to replace human contact, unless you solemnly want it to.

I feel as though getting off the grid is the only alternative to the encapsulating magnet of big city life. Yet, I'm bringing with that feelings of anger, and by doing so, limit all the possibilities that can come out of mind, as to what I can do in the present that can ward off my dissipating love for the city. Slowly, my attention is starting to drift out of the past, its starting to loose its fixative interest in the future, and is finally tuning into the right now.
I talk a lot about how important freedom is to me, and yet I feel so dependent on the system I'm trying to get out of... Sometimes I sit there with this realization and can't help but go "WTF?!" Whoever said that we can go through life skipping developmental stages, for whatever reason... I can definitely relate to that. Luckily, all of the changes that I've been introduced to this month have helped me reconnect to a part of me that was tucked away deeply within my subconscious; One that I thought I'd never again get to experience. There are feelings of negativity about that may have served me in the past to defend myself. I now know that those same feelings that I still hold on to are my mind finding comfort in the routines that have helped me cope with life when I was less able to acutely express myself. They serve me no longer, and there are days when I let this turn into frustration, and other days where I turn this into courage. Its not easy, and I can't say that progress will be completed over night, but I am optimistic that with proper observation, coupled with some discipline and motivation I can overcome any block that I create for myself, whether I see it as that, at the beginning of a challenge, or not. I will just embody freedom, until it becomes undeniable that freedom is what I've obtained. Its funny... I talk of freedom as a destination, when like happiness its not. Just wanted to make this clear. I am free in the moment of the present, and want to extend the feeling of freedom to mean that of peace, and inner joy. Nothing is permanent. As long as I am aware and want to change my situation, it will change.
There are a few more fundamental thought patterns that I'm being asked to reevaluate deeply this month, but these three are the most prominent focal points for this month.
On the surface, it feels like life:

Kinda. Then I think about the positives of this situation, and am just left with gratitude. So, I've finally started to drop my worries that were piling up from a few months ago. Because there is only the present moment.



Other than that, Pumpkin came to visit for a week last week, and I can say that I had a really enriching experience with her. She was super nice, and didn't mind sharpening her debating skills with me with our hour long conversations. This is something I don't get to do as often as I'd like. I learned a lot of new things, and was able share some wonderful moments with her in the backyard I call Toronto's parks, and envelopes of nature. We also shot some photos. BUT, this will also be covered in a later blog... Sorry for any in conveniences this may bring. Pumpkin was also able to meet and shoot with Ale and Sif. I'm really excited to see all of her work when its ready!

All in all, I'm feeling optimistic that life is moving forward, and that I can at any point do what I feel is right to help me through this life long journey. Right now, what resides in my heart is motivation. I'm motivated to find what truly resonates with me, so that I can be the best me that I can be.
Thank you for reading, thank you for the birthday wishes from my last blog,
and I love you!













Until next time,
xo