luffy

I never thought this day would come! It's here already!...so fast! 23 once seemed like a year where I'd be all knowing. Where I would have already graduated from university. I'd still be single (lonely), and I never pictured that I would be modeling, living on my own, or that I'd ever get naked, and have millions of people see me naked. It was only just recently when I realized that not everything in life is going to be planned out and laid out for me. I'm not going to have a blue print that is etched in stone like the ones they showed in The Flintstones. That's also when I realized that, its now when I have the greatest freedom to be who I want to be. This leads into how Suicidegirls caught my attention, just around two years ago.
I've been told that I'm different, that I've got potential to be of great influence, that I'm powerful, and yet, from a young age I struggled and so much with how to live my life. I dressed like a boy, hung out with the boys, because girls were too much drama, and so mean to each other! I would cover my legs, my chest, and anything else that I was told hinted at sexual connotations... I once even told myself that I would save my virginity for when I get married. Yep... I was a product of a conservative family. I was told to go to school, get a good paying job, and have a family. But then what...? Was that to be the end of my story? to be just like everyone else? Sounds boring! For me, life has always been about trial and error...as sad as that's proven to be sometimes. I felt like I wouldn't be true to myself if that's all I was to do with myself. For as long as I could remember, I loved being alone. When I was with other people I felt so awkward... like I just didn't and couldn't belong. Years went by, as I slowly started to detach myself from those I went to school with, those I ran into from my classes. I didn't know or care to get to know them, and they certainly didn't know who I was... I wouldnt let them get to know me. As a teenager, I spent a good chunk of time trying to comfort myself with the thought that I'd be on a long and lonely road of frustration. One I'd have to fight through if I wanted to truly be happy. One day, my friend casually brings up Suicidegirls: "Hey! There's a site where you can upload a model set, and get payed around $500! Isn't that cool? she said. Obviously, if someone tells you something like that, it would peak your interest to a degree, so I asked what the name of that website was, and went to check it out later that day, with the warning that you had to be naked in most of the pictures. I was petrified of the idea that you had to be naked, and that possibly thousands of people would look at you and judge your naked body!... but I secretly was okay with that. The idea sounded liberating, and when I went to go and check the site out for myself, the girls looked so happy, and so comfortable doing this. The girl who really caught my eye and got me to become a member on here was Vice Right away, I saw just how confident she was, just how content she was, and that she could send powerful messages of strength through her eyes alone! It gave me shivers! I then started to notice a trend. There were lots of girls on this site that had this same level of confidence and contentment. I signed up on SG just to 'try it out' and Maybe if I was feeling comfortable, I'd do just one set. Sooner or later, I was hooked on the site.I was even ready to accept the fact that I might not go pink. Word on the street was that you had to have tattoos and or piercings to become a suicide girl. That'd be silly to add another category of required criteria though, ...right? So I hung in their, and just tried to do as much as I could to be apart of the community that I'd stumbled upon. Everyone has their own little quirks, or has their own distinctive personality. It didn't matter who you were, you could just chill here. One thing I especially like with this site is that it gives you options to defy your 'pigeon hole(s)', and it had the option to say "Fuck you! I defy categories" That made me smile as I checked it off, because really, let's be honest... Don't you feel a little insulted when you find a label next to you? "Ohh... so your trying to be all hipster and artistic, eh?..." Long story short, I don't have to be anyone else but myself. I find being naked is a beautiful thing. and I'm so sad that my society has to cover that up so much! I now know why those girls I saw two years ago were so happy. They were being themselves and it showed! I think its when I realized, and when I least expected it that I finally went pink! Now, I too am very happy that I have had the opportunity to experience the liberating feeling of becoming a Suicide girl. Knowing that I can move with conviction, and be myself. I can be confident in who I am, and don't have to tally up feedback from others to find my acceptance. I am who I am, and I'm very happy and honored to be here. I've got some incredible friends on SG
This site has changed my life!
I also have some really great things going for me. I have loving, supportive friends and family, A wonderful boyfriend, awesome opportunities, and I can feel myself getting stronger and stronger every day!
Well... it was fun, but this sounds like the perfect day to leave the past behind me. So... Peace out, age 22! I've learned a lot from you! I know that I've still got a whole lot to learn, but I'll get to where I need to go, when I'm ready. Right now, I'm here, and want to celebrate my birthday with all of you!

Thanks, SG for accepting me for me!