I'M IN LOVE WITH AN ABUSIVE ANGEL
I never thought I would fall ... especially not for this fickle and abusive angel...
This cruel and scathing crusher of my own humanity! I never thought he would be my one and only, that I would rather perish than abandon him... Oh Los(t) Angel(es)... how you beat me down and destroy me ... and yet... I love you still with all my heart and being!
If you would have told me a decade ago that LA would be my home I would likely have spat in your face and had a good chuckle. Now however, I would have to spit in my own face.
To be completely honest. I am not even sure how I got here. I suppose one could chalk it up to boredom?
Or perhaps that fateful trip back in or around 2002 when I got my manager's bonus at the record shop and decided to spend it on a weekend jaunt to the place where "The canyons and the mountains started to tremble and shake as the children of the sun began to awake..."
I tumbled that weekend ... far and fast into the chasmic glory of CA. It captured my heart and I knew I would have to return.
A month or so and 1 cross country transfer later I was bookin' my Saturn (aptly named "the Satan") packed full of my life's belongings and an excess toilet paper (thanx mom) along with a caravan of 2 others to Cal I forn I A.
In the 10 years to follow my migration post landing in MOorpark CA on May 29th 2004 I have lost 4 jobs (been laid off), suffered an extended bout of unemployment, been so broke COUNTLESS times that I have had to pay for food with coins (I still make too much for food stamps ... but only by a bit and your cost of living is not factored into this), been singular rather than plural (for the better part) and been shit on by people that I THOUGHT and accepted as my friends ... but adversely I have also done some really amazing things, traveled to some cool places, hung out with people that used to be in teen idol posters on my walls, hiked the most marvelous of mountains, accomplished things that most people only dream about or read about in magazines...
Los Angeles. You love to build me up and beat me down. You like to show me what it's like to live the good life and then strip it all away and sink me into the deepest and darkest depression I have ever seen... and then you begin again ... to poke tiny holes in the darkness and sprinkle me with light.
