I've smoked a lot of cigarettes today (took me all of 10 hours to go through the first pack) for reasons that are likely obvious to most of my readers. I won't beat a dead horse, but let me just say that it feels awful to be the one on the short end of the stick and still somehow feel like the bad guy.
Work is starting to stress me out. I'm juggling about a dozen projects right now of varying priority, but it seems like I never get a chance to focus on any single one of them for an amount of time amenable to actually getting shit done. I have to go down to Kansas again next week to do a job that's really not even mine to do, which pretty much wipes out Monday - Thursday. I'm probably making a trip up to Minnesota the week after that for a trio of projects, and then some time in the near future I need to make another trip to a different part of Minnesota for a different project. I also need to make a trip down to Texas some time soon for yet another project. Somehow in between all of this shit I'm supposed to get work done on the most important project in my queue, which is supposed to be ready for bid by the end of the year. I foresee a lot of overtime in my near future, which has its benefits and detriments.
I hope the moving situation works out well, because right now nothing else seems to be going right. Car towed last week, work getting stressful, Hopkins scaring the shit out of me by chewing through three power cords (two of which will potentially be difficult and expensive to replace), important people disappointing me, this country acting like a gaggle of chucklefucks, friends going through tough times (one's grandma is about to die and another just found out she's pregnant for the second time, can't afford to keep or abort it [she's already been through one abortion] and is going to get zero support from the father) and the sober realization that my social circle is so small that I can't immediately think of anyone that would want my extra ticket to the Nebraska game on Saturday.
This is not, however, an invitation to a pity party. "Empty Cans" by The Streets more or less sums up my outlook on life - you can either blame the world or you can live your life on your own terms and draw satisfaction from within. There's a tiny gap between action and reaction, and within that gap lies the quintessence of who a person chooses to be. Some people choose to make chaos and strife excuses for smearing their future with shit, I choose to take them as opportunities to make myself stronger.
If I want to sit in and drink super tennants in the day I will,
No-ones going to fucking tell me jack,
But can you rely on anyone in this world?
No you cant; its not my fault theres wall to wall empty cans
Everyone wanted this to all go wrong for me from the start,
Its fucked up that a mans life can just be attacked,
Watching this morning with a beer is much better relying on,
Unknown cunts for mates i was given that don't have my back.
Scott texted me to say he'd have a look at the TV for me,
But i layed it down telling him to fuck right off chap.
Phoned this company out the yellow pages;
Told them to take away the TV and fix it quick snap.
The next day they took away the TV and told me they'd repair the little bit,
Thats broken round on the back.
I thought that would be that but the next bit was on top,
This was where it all started to get a bit out of hand.
No-one gives a crap about Mike;
Thats why i'm acting nasty.
You know what you can do with your life;
Introduce it up your jacksie.
Coz No-one gives a crap about Mike;
Thats why i'm acting nasty.
You know what you can do with your life;
Introduce it up your jacksie.
The TV man comes back later, knocks on mine,
To say he's found something in the back of the TV,
I'm looking at it absolutely speechless,
Cant quite believe he's trying to pull this fucking stunt on me.
I knew it was a simple case of the power supply gone on the back,
But he's trying to tap me up for more money.
He says its not like that and im like fuck off and die,
And stick up my two fingers and one more to make three.
He says dont talk to me like that, and i don't understand,
Face is in his face and i tell him i understand perfectly.
And he grabs my shirt and i grab his face with my hand,
So he brings his fist up and twats me a good one on my cheek.
Now im trying to pull his head down so i can knee it,
But he's got my ear; he's twisting it round so much that its really hurting me.
And we both go down on the floor, and he pushes my head back;
Onto the corner of the fridge which is total agony.
Then he gets up and runs out the kitchen, and out of the door,
Shouting stuff to me, slams the door shoutin' at me.
So here i am in my house, drinking on my own settee;
Everyones a cunt in this life, no-one's there for me.
No-one gives a crap about Mike;
Thats why i'm acting nasty.
You know what you can do with your life;
Introduce it up your jacksie.
Coz No-one gives a crap about Mike;
Thats why i'm acting nasty.
You know what you can do with your life;
Introduce it up your jacksie.
[break]
If I want to sit in and drink super tennants in the day I will,
No-ones going to fucking tell me jack,
But can you rely on anyone in this world?
No you cant; its all my fault theres wall to wall empty cans.
I sat in the kitchen all fucked off,
Imagining over and over what they're all doing behind my back.
Dodgy things going on, actions i regretted,
Stain bottle with a pipe and tin foil on the matt.
Scott texted me telling me he'll have a look at the TV for me,
And I Felt like just telling him to fuck right off chap.
But what he said about wanting to do the right thing by both mates,
And then opting to stay out - it seemed to match.
But i's told him he could make it up by fixing the TV,
He said thats the least he could do to square things flat.
I thought that would be that but then the next bit was mad,
This is where everything started to all turn back.
The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.
He had to unscrew about fifteen screws before he could pull the panel off the back,
To get in the fecking thing;
But just as he did so, he said he saw something,
That slipped inside behind the panel - down the back of it.
Must have been some leaflets or a bill maybe,
I didn't want to lose the bill incase it was a final warning.
So we both treid to get the back off and work out if there was any more screws to get out,
Or if we left any in.
And when he looked down the back of the TV, his eyes just froze,
Before he rammed his hand in saying, no shit.
He's looking at me absolutely speechless, he can't quite believe what hes trying to pull out the slip.
I get up wondering what he's smiling about, he's shaking his head at this point,
With the biggest of grins;
I look down the back of the TV and thats where it was, in all its glory - my thousand quid.
The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.
About 2 this afternoon the last of the people left my house,
Coz they never stop chattin' til all the rackets gone.
I really feel like things clicked into place at some point,
Or maybe its the fact that me and Alison really got on.
Or maybe its that i realised that it is true;
No-ones really there fighting for you in the last garison.
No-one except yourself that is, no-one except you.
You are the one who's got your back 'til the last deeds done.
Scott can't have my back til the absolute end,
Coz hes got to look out for what over his horizon.
He's gotta to make sure he's not lonely, not broke.
It's enough to worry about keeping his own head above.
I shut the door behind me, huddled up in my coat,
Condensation floating off my breath, squinted out the sun.
My jeans feel a bit tight, think i washed them a bit too high;
I was gonna be late, so i picked up my pace to run.
The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.
The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.
The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.
The end of the something i did not want to end,
Begining of hard times to come.
But something that was not meant to be is done,
And this is the start of what was.
Edit: And right on cue, Tim Wise linked to this fucking story on Facebook. It's nearly 20-fucking-10, America. Evolve.
second, ken wants the ticket!!!!!!!!
third, you are a wonderful person and i may be going thru a rough time but i have not forgotten about you. you are welcome at my home anytime.
fourth, i fully intend on helping you stock that place up while i work at target.
lastly, i know that the short straw sucks but sometimes, it is a blessing in disguise.