Decisions, decisions, decisions.
The summer went fast. So fast, in fact, that I was caught off guard the other day when my landlord/roommate reminded me that my lease was ending on the 19th and asked if I wanted to do another six months. I definitely do not want to do that, but the problem is that I also do not know exactly what I do want to do. I've been just kind of drifting through life for the last six months and now I'm suddenly all too aware of the fact that I need to make a lot of relatively important decisions and I need to make them post haste.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "restless." Right now, I am very restless. I want a different life, this one is too comfortable.
But.
I really have no idea what kind of life I do want.
Work bores me. In short, everything I do there feels like a homework problem. However, I'm not sure what else to do. The job market for engineers is shit right now and I don't feel like I have any tangible qualifications that would get me into an interesting job. I don't even know what kind of job would be interesting to me. Additionally, I have to admit that my current job offers a lot of security. It's nice to be able to not have to worry about money (for the most part). For example, last week my car was towed in Lincoln (a long story that really doesn't deserve telling). Two years ago the $137 it cost to get my car back would have been a big fucking deal, but now it was just kind of like "well shit, oh well." There's also the not-so-insignificant fact that it's a fairly laid-back place of employ. Nobody freaks out if I decide to show up 15 minutes late, or leave 15 minutes early. Nobody cares about my tattoos. I actually get along with my co-workers.
Sometimes I think I'd like to go to graduate school, because I really feel like I haven't been learning anything for the last two and a half years and I hate that. I don't know what I'd study, specifically, and I really don't like the idea of even more student loan debt. Then, of course, there would be the arduous process of actually getting in to a graduate school.
Most of all, I just want to get out of the Midwest. Save for five months in England back in 2004, I've lived my entire life in the Midwest. I'd do just about anything to move back to England, but the barriers to entry are virtually insurmountable. I'm not being pessimistic, it's just a simple (but sad) truth. Denver would be an acceptable destination, but of course that prospect hinges upon the threadbare job market.
The flip side is that there are a lot of things that I am loath to abandon here in Omaha. I have good friends, some of whom I'm only still just getting to know intimately. I don't exactly meet people well, so it would be kind of shitty to jump ship just as new friendships are budding. And of course there's the difficult but enjoyable and entertaining...whatever it's called...that I have with someone who actually keeps me on my toes. (Yes, I know that's vague. Have fun figuring it out.) Additionally, some of the bars, restaurants and coffee shops here have actually fucking grown on me, somehow.
So here's the rub. I need to make a decision on my living situation within approximately a week. I certainly won't find a new job by then. I certainly won't get into grad school by then. So what do I do? Stay in this house for another six months? Give my 30 days notice and move into another apartment, and thus stay in Omaha for another year? Staying in my current place gives me the option to leave Omaha sooner, but moving into a new place would allow me to have my own place. Oddly enough, I've never lived strictly on my own. I've always had a roommate, or lived in a dorm, or lived with my parents. I really, really want my own place. A year seems like a long time, though. The last time I let ties keep me in a place (Lincoln, after graduation), those ties left me. Finding myself a year from now pissing into the wind with nothing to show for it would, to put it lightly, not make me very happy. Life is short, people. If you're not busy living then you are busy dying. I'm dying right now.
The summer went fast. So fast, in fact, that I was caught off guard the other day when my landlord/roommate reminded me that my lease was ending on the 19th and asked if I wanted to do another six months. I definitely do not want to do that, but the problem is that I also do not know exactly what I do want to do. I've been just kind of drifting through life for the last six months and now I'm suddenly all too aware of the fact that I need to make a lot of relatively important decisions and I need to make them post haste.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "restless." Right now, I am very restless. I want a different life, this one is too comfortable.
But.
I really have no idea what kind of life I do want.
Work bores me. In short, everything I do there feels like a homework problem. However, I'm not sure what else to do. The job market for engineers is shit right now and I don't feel like I have any tangible qualifications that would get me into an interesting job. I don't even know what kind of job would be interesting to me. Additionally, I have to admit that my current job offers a lot of security. It's nice to be able to not have to worry about money (for the most part). For example, last week my car was towed in Lincoln (a long story that really doesn't deserve telling). Two years ago the $137 it cost to get my car back would have been a big fucking deal, but now it was just kind of like "well shit, oh well." There's also the not-so-insignificant fact that it's a fairly laid-back place of employ. Nobody freaks out if I decide to show up 15 minutes late, or leave 15 minutes early. Nobody cares about my tattoos. I actually get along with my co-workers.
Sometimes I think I'd like to go to graduate school, because I really feel like I haven't been learning anything for the last two and a half years and I hate that. I don't know what I'd study, specifically, and I really don't like the idea of even more student loan debt. Then, of course, there would be the arduous process of actually getting in to a graduate school.
Most of all, I just want to get out of the Midwest. Save for five months in England back in 2004, I've lived my entire life in the Midwest. I'd do just about anything to move back to England, but the barriers to entry are virtually insurmountable. I'm not being pessimistic, it's just a simple (but sad) truth. Denver would be an acceptable destination, but of course that prospect hinges upon the threadbare job market.
The flip side is that there are a lot of things that I am loath to abandon here in Omaha. I have good friends, some of whom I'm only still just getting to know intimately. I don't exactly meet people well, so it would be kind of shitty to jump ship just as new friendships are budding. And of course there's the difficult but enjoyable and entertaining...whatever it's called...that I have with someone who actually keeps me on my toes. (Yes, I know that's vague. Have fun figuring it out.) Additionally, some of the bars, restaurants and coffee shops here have actually fucking grown on me, somehow.
So here's the rub. I need to make a decision on my living situation within approximately a week. I certainly won't find a new job by then. I certainly won't get into grad school by then. So what do I do? Stay in this house for another six months? Give my 30 days notice and move into another apartment, and thus stay in Omaha for another year? Staying in my current place gives me the option to leave Omaha sooner, but moving into a new place would allow me to have my own place. Oddly enough, I've never lived strictly on my own. I've always had a roommate, or lived in a dorm, or lived with my parents. I really, really want my own place. A year seems like a long time, though. The last time I let ties keep me in a place (Lincoln, after graduation), those ties left me. Finding myself a year from now pissing into the wind with nothing to show for it would, to put it lightly, not make me very happy. Life is short, people. If you're not busy living then you are busy dying. I'm dying right now.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
boogieman0330:
Good luck on the decision making process. Hope it all works out for the better. See you around.
alyeska:
stay here for atleast a little while longer, please?