mental note..
it only takes one believer to feed the dreamer...
-me
everything is fucked and in immortal words of bill murray.. "im right on the edge.. i dont know what's gonna happen next"
im so close to the brink its sick.. i can literally hear my personality ripping apart.. i can hear the old person i was, tearing apart from the inside out and dying.... and the person that i've always been scared to be is clawing its way out, responsible for the carnage along the way..
can you still be a responsible person and not give a fuck.. ?? si'
can i still be successful and not give a fuck??.. si'
is success realative?? si'
is creativity realative?? si'
beauty belongs to the eye of the beholder... and the fucking beholder is me.. self absorbed.. maybe.. but for all you people that have known what you were put here for and accepted it already, it's a question that tears a dreamer apart everyday... do i sit here and waste my fucking mind and talents on doing something that i hate, preparing for a future that may or may not materialize....?? or do i just live now and die doing what i love..?
***********
i've always wanted to write a book.. no i dont have a BA, MA or PhD... but and illustrated cook book w/ some of my lifetime recipes i think would do.. maybe just a small little thing to see if i can supplement my income a little bit.. just for now.. i could bind my them myself too.. might be cool.. anyway..
a few guys might actually get laid if they'd take 30mins out of their day to cook their gal a meal that looks as good as it tastes... OR novel idea here.. it may get them laid just because of "the act of" actually doing something...anything out of the ordinary..even if they fuck it up!! she might actually give up the "good sex".. the kind ya dont always get when you are in the monotony of the routine.. the kind that makes ur toes curl.. and yes.. guys toes curl too when it's hot.. but you didnt hear that from me.. and i'll never repeat it again.. actually this message will self destruct in 5 seconds after you read it...
************
trying to keep my chin up here.. i dont want to get a 2nd job (hourly that is) if i can help it.. thus the cook book idea.. id like to actually do something that i enjoy.. maybe prepare for a 2nd lease on life doing something that will challenge me.. and if i do a full on apprenticeship at a tatt shop that would be cool but who knows how long i'd have to do that before i started making any kind of money..... that may be my next step though.. i may have to take another one in the pooper just to crawl a couple steps forward tho....as in spending money.. not literally takin one in the pooper.. nevermind...
grrrr... arrrrgh..
it only takes one believer to feed the dreamer...
-me
everything is fucked and in immortal words of bill murray.. "im right on the edge.. i dont know what's gonna happen next"
im so close to the brink its sick.. i can literally hear my personality ripping apart.. i can hear the old person i was, tearing apart from the inside out and dying.... and the person that i've always been scared to be is clawing its way out, responsible for the carnage along the way..
can you still be a responsible person and not give a fuck.. ?? si'
can i still be successful and not give a fuck??.. si'
is success realative?? si'
is creativity realative?? si'
beauty belongs to the eye of the beholder... and the fucking beholder is me.. self absorbed.. maybe.. but for all you people that have known what you were put here for and accepted it already, it's a question that tears a dreamer apart everyday... do i sit here and waste my fucking mind and talents on doing something that i hate, preparing for a future that may or may not materialize....?? or do i just live now and die doing what i love..?
***********
i've always wanted to write a book.. no i dont have a BA, MA or PhD... but and illustrated cook book w/ some of my lifetime recipes i think would do.. maybe just a small little thing to see if i can supplement my income a little bit.. just for now.. i could bind my them myself too.. might be cool.. anyway..
a few guys might actually get laid if they'd take 30mins out of their day to cook their gal a meal that looks as good as it tastes... OR novel idea here.. it may get them laid just because of "the act of" actually doing something...anything out of the ordinary..even if they fuck it up!! she might actually give up the "good sex".. the kind ya dont always get when you are in the monotony of the routine.. the kind that makes ur toes curl.. and yes.. guys toes curl too when it's hot.. but you didnt hear that from me.. and i'll never repeat it again.. actually this message will self destruct in 5 seconds after you read it...
************
trying to keep my chin up here.. i dont want to get a 2nd job (hourly that is) if i can help it.. thus the cook book idea.. id like to actually do something that i enjoy.. maybe prepare for a 2nd lease on life doing something that will challenge me.. and if i do a full on apprenticeship at a tatt shop that would be cool but who knows how long i'd have to do that before i started making any kind of money..... that may be my next step though.. i may have to take another one in the pooper just to crawl a couple steps forward tho....as in spending money.. not literally takin one in the pooper.. nevermind...
grrrr... arrrrgh..
leyla:
I am also loosing my fucking mind.. I know what I want to do but it's getting there. I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror because I fear I have been living this great lie. I want to rip my skin off and free myself but there's those damn resposabilities and chains that can't be avoided.
leyla:
the cookbook is a good idea and then maybe you could do a show or open a restaurant... If you do open a restaurant, I've been a waitress for years and I desperatly need a change of pace. As long as I was able to pick out the uniform. deal?