i got up at noon today. that's early for me. ever since gabriel has been home, he has let me sleep till 2 or 3pm, but today i sent him out early to do some job hunting. we're broke, really broke & bills are not going to stop coming. we're already behind on our power bill. $400 to cover 2 power bills, $200 to cover the needed pumping of our septic tank, $80 for my new car tag, $170 for car insurance, not to mention the $500 we'll need to cover next month's bills. i sure hope he gets a job soon.
i also wish i could figure out what i want relationship-wise. gabriel says he wants to be married (which technically we still are since the divorce is on hold) & he wants us to be faithful. i'm finding that difficult for a few reasons which i won't get into. i'm drained right now.
i called Shelton when i woke up & they said i needed to bring in a copy of my marriage certificate for my Pell Grant, so i went to the courthouse & got one. it cost me $3, so now i have $2 to my name. i took it to Shelton & they assured me that my 3 science classes should be paid for by Friday. classes start August 20th & i still don't know how the babysitting or daycare thing is going to pan out or if it even will.
i have the opportunity to take a trip to Vienna or Greece or both this September with a close friend, but i don't know what i'm going to do about a babysitter. or in the event, i decide to take the children with me, i don't know what i will do about getting Kagome's passport. because the divorce isn't final, i would have to have Gabriel go with me & sign for it & he doesn't want me going on this trip, so there's another snag in my potential once-in-a-lifetime vacation.
when i got home today i had to do 2 sinkfuls of dishes. my hands are so pruny they hurt. i still have another load of clothes to fold & another load to wash. chores are neverending & i despise them all these days, even on Lortab.
for those of you who don't know, i am not a druggie & i'm no longer anorexic. i only take pills that are prescribed to me & i do not abuse them. i quit drinking alcohol in January, but i started back a couple of weeks ago because of all the stress i'm under these days. it's not just Gabriel & the fighting, there are other things, but they are things i cannot really talk about here. oh, & i'm eating 2-3 times a day again...
since Gabriel has been home, i only recall feeling happy a few times. two of those times i was drunk & the other three times i was out & away from him. that is not a good sign. he let me bleach his hair last night & i think it looks really sexy, but he thinks it has fried his hair (though i warned him about this, he claims i didn't warn him "enough"). we were cursing each other out in WM the other day. and a few days ago on his birthday, well, we didn't even spend it together because i needed to get away. he'll never let me live that one down...i am getting so depressed. i need to snap out of it, but i'm not sure how to do so. counseling starts on August 9th & i pray (yes pray) that something good will come of it.
for anyone that wants to lift my mood, send money. yeah, i know it sounds terrible, but money problems are getting worse & worse & it's certainly not helping my feelings.
i also wish i could figure out what i want relationship-wise. gabriel says he wants to be married (which technically we still are since the divorce is on hold) & he wants us to be faithful. i'm finding that difficult for a few reasons which i won't get into. i'm drained right now.
i called Shelton when i woke up & they said i needed to bring in a copy of my marriage certificate for my Pell Grant, so i went to the courthouse & got one. it cost me $3, so now i have $2 to my name. i took it to Shelton & they assured me that my 3 science classes should be paid for by Friday. classes start August 20th & i still don't know how the babysitting or daycare thing is going to pan out or if it even will.
i have the opportunity to take a trip to Vienna or Greece or both this September with a close friend, but i don't know what i'm going to do about a babysitter. or in the event, i decide to take the children with me, i don't know what i will do about getting Kagome's passport. because the divorce isn't final, i would have to have Gabriel go with me & sign for it & he doesn't want me going on this trip, so there's another snag in my potential once-in-a-lifetime vacation.
when i got home today i had to do 2 sinkfuls of dishes. my hands are so pruny they hurt. i still have another load of clothes to fold & another load to wash. chores are neverending & i despise them all these days, even on Lortab.
for those of you who don't know, i am not a druggie & i'm no longer anorexic. i only take pills that are prescribed to me & i do not abuse them. i quit drinking alcohol in January, but i started back a couple of weeks ago because of all the stress i'm under these days. it's not just Gabriel & the fighting, there are other things, but they are things i cannot really talk about here. oh, & i'm eating 2-3 times a day again...
since Gabriel has been home, i only recall feeling happy a few times. two of those times i was drunk & the other three times i was out & away from him. that is not a good sign. he let me bleach his hair last night & i think it looks really sexy, but he thinks it has fried his hair (though i warned him about this, he claims i didn't warn him "enough"). we were cursing each other out in WM the other day. and a few days ago on his birthday, well, we didn't even spend it together because i needed to get away. he'll never let me live that one down...i am getting so depressed. i need to snap out of it, but i'm not sure how to do so. counseling starts on August 9th & i pray (yes pray) that something good will come of it.
for anyone that wants to lift my mood, send money. yeah, i know it sounds terrible, but money problems are getting worse & worse & it's certainly not helping my feelings.
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-TM