love_suicide

tonight was interesting...weird...strange feelings i had...realizing that love is always equal to pain...for me & a lot of others i have known anyway.

i feel on the verge of something. i might be death & for so many reasons, i hope it is so. if it is not death, then may it be something else that can be pure. is anything pure anymore?

i am still approaching rock bottom, wondering if i am ready for the emptiness that lies therein. time will tell.

i think a near-death experience is a cheated one. why do i long for death? why have i wanted it for years?

my childhood was normal, decent. as far as i can remember, my daddy never touched me in the wrong way & neither did my mother. so, when did it start?

why is sex more than sex? why do humans feel the need to complicate things that other animals seem oblivious to. to be oblivious to pain, love, ambition...

i started a poem last night...

i am a lost deer
the world is all headlights
i stare into it blindly
and my world comes crashing down...

that's all i have so far, but it seems to say enough for now.