louisiana

More tiny little happiness.

On Friday afternoon, big tiny sadness. I was home early and I hear my little loverat coughing and scratching the cage to get my attention. I grabbed her out and held her in my hands. She was weak and panicked, gasping her air and coughing and screaming. It'd happened once before about a month ago, the same exact thing. At the time I held her to my chest and prayed, "Please, please not now, please a little more time with her." and miraculously, the coughing stopped and she seemed fine about an hour later. Well, it seems I was granted a bit more time with her. But this time it was really it; it was really, really time to go.

So at first I held her to my chest and begged her, "Please, please don't die!", and then I realized that I was probably frightening my already frightened rat. She gave me such a look of, "Help me! Fix it, please make it stop!"



But there was nothing I could do, so I sat with her for about 10 minutes, holding her tiny paw on my finger, (she's always been fond of holding hands) and petting her beautiful fur. She calmed down and then gave one last violent shriek and her body jumped up, and then she was gone.



Goodbye, my little savior. My sweet companion. I knew that without your sister, you wouldn't last long. The empty cage is enough to break anyone's heart. Every morning since then I've gone into the kitchen to prepare warm organic babyfood for your breakfast...only to remember, again and again and again, that you're gone.

I swear I hear you tapping on your food dish and as an auto-response my mouth starts to say, "I'm coming, my sweet little...no one."

Creatures so similar to humans, intellectually, physically. Tiny human hands, (big rat hands?), people ears, people faces. Tiny little hearts that beat through all of the beats so quickly.



It's a good snowy day to be working alone, you know.

Spring is here, so it's egg time, renewal time, duck time. Blue Indian Runners. I thought it was out of the question but jokingly brought it up to Kev.

In other news, I have dolls for sale:

Life, death, and dolls. It's what I'm made of on the inside.