louisiana

You get what you get, and it's worth what it's worth what it's worth. Right?

I got some chardonnay for Hanukkah. I spell it like that because "C" is too much like 3, being the third letter of the alphabet, so it's yellow, and I don't like yellow when it comes to numbers. It's so strange to meet other people with synesthesia and hear that they see 3 as anything other than yellow. You can relate, you experience that too, right?

This has been a week of pulling it back in and keeping it together- it's so hard not to think about those children and fall apart.

The wind is so loud here at night that it sounds like the hurricane is back.

I feel a little bit like a monster. I will spend more than half the money I make today on taxis. Nihil desperandum, little carrot. Surely, surely something will turn soon. I must just be stressed. Don't worry peanut, you'll get it all done. (sometimes I wonder who it is that's making these reaffirming and positive statements at me- is it my future self? I sure hope so. That would mean I make it through in the end). I wish things could be easier for our young heroine.

During a guided meditation, suddenly the speaker tells me to imagine myself in a giant group of people as far as the eye could see, everyone on earth, and you're in the very middle. Like many, this is the absolute last place I'd ever want to be. I hate crowds, and in honesty I can barely manage being in ShopRite, let alone surrounded by all of mankind. I absolutely prefer my private ancient healing temple.

Dear readers, I am so sorry I don't do this right. This is supposed to be a quick synopsis about how life is busy and wonderful followed by instagram photos of the amazing life I have and my tits. Instead it's depressing dribble about nothing at all. I'm happy you read it anyway.


I'm going to Florida in about a week, to sit in sweet silence and stare into the nothingness that's the landscape out there. I think it's just what I need.