Gah, ah. Going to sleep ill at ease makes me feel sick in the morning. I am down south, still. I want to fix all the problems around me. I'm afraid to leave. I'm afraid things will fall apart and I won't be here to hold them together.
There's a second part to my problem too. Down here, away from my home, I can see too clearly what a fucked up place that is too. I start thinking about how futile my efforts at school are, how passively I let my relationship dissatisfactions roll by, and dysfunctional it is to rent an apartment I do not live in, sleep in a home I am not welcome to be part of, and keep all of my clothing in the trunk of my car. Everything I need is in my car. Broken, sans heat. And if the piles of collected things I store in the apartment I shell out $600/month for were to suddenly disappear, never to be seen again, I don't think I'd notice, or care. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuck. And, I pray.
My cellist unexpectedly got kicked out of school on Thursday, and moved to Denmark on Friday, never to be seen again. Time, I suppose, for a new cellist.
I'm brooding and these fucking tears...crawling out of the back of my eyes. My eyes.
Give it time, I guess. I hope your day is beautiful.
me
ETA: look at this lovely puppy I found!
...perhaps things will be better after all.
There's a second part to my problem too. Down here, away from my home, I can see too clearly what a fucked up place that is too. I start thinking about how futile my efforts at school are, how passively I let my relationship dissatisfactions roll by, and dysfunctional it is to rent an apartment I do not live in, sleep in a home I am not welcome to be part of, and keep all of my clothing in the trunk of my car. Everything I need is in my car. Broken, sans heat. And if the piles of collected things I store in the apartment I shell out $600/month for were to suddenly disappear, never to be seen again, I don't think I'd notice, or care. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuck. And, I pray.
My cellist unexpectedly got kicked out of school on Thursday, and moved to Denmark on Friday, never to be seen again. Time, I suppose, for a new cellist.
I'm brooding and these fucking tears...crawling out of the back of my eyes. My eyes.
Give it time, I guess. I hope your day is beautiful.
me
ETA: look at this lovely puppy I found!
...perhaps things will be better after all.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
clio:
you're the sweetest
turboxian:
Dont let all life trivial nonsense take you. Im a bit compulsive and tend towards the negative myself.The older I get the more crap I deal with the more I realize I need to force myself to slow down and take it easy It really aint worth it. Oh yes love them puppy's...I aint talking specifically about the pooch but he's cute as well. You also mentioned losing a Cellist? What instrument or band do you play in?