Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

lothar27

Traverse City

Member Since 2012

Followers 37 Following 613

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Yep...

Sep 23, 2014
7
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email

It's been a while since I have written anything on here. Things have changed since the last time I wrote. I've transferred to a new location, had a girlfriend that was no good for me, and found the love of my life all within the span of about six months. Of course things would have to go downhill from there.

The current girlfriend and I got together at the end of April and things went pretty fast. By June we had moved in together with her roommates. She was on leave from work and we spent every moment together for about two months. Life was great.

Then she went back to work. She's also a volunteer firefighter so that takes up a lot of her time. She got over the initial excitement of our new relationship and back to what she had been used to. She told me that she wasn't sure that she was in love with me. My world almost ended right there.

The next couple of weeks were weird to say the least. We didn't break up, just both agreed we moved way too fast at the beginning and needed to slow down. Of course, in my mind, I thought I had done something wrong from the start. I know better now, but then was different.

We agreed that I needed to move out. I don't really get along well with her roommates anyway, so it's for the best. We'll have a place where we can be alone and work on us without any prying eyes or overheard conversations.

Then I just about lost her. She had been withdrawing from me emotionally over the course of a month or so and in my state of mind at that time I was thinking the worst. I made some huge mistakes that I would have never done otherwise had it not been for another factor.

Backing up about two weeks, I blew up at work and walked out. It wasn't until that point that I realized I needed to have some help dealing with my issues. I have been dealing with depression for years in varying degrees of intensity. My pride has kept me from doing anything about it, thinking that if this or that happened I would come out of it and everything would be ok. Of course, I was wrong. I made an appointment with my doctor and explained my feelings. Oh, and I was able to keep my job as well.

Back to where I was. My emotional state and thoughts were in shambles to begin with, and the medication was enhancing my paranoia and anxiousness. We talked after I screwed up and she told me I couldn't really blame the medication as the feelings were already there. To a point I agree.

I talked again to my doctor and she put me on a different med. Guess what? Yes, I screwed up again. At that point she described me as "fucking crazy" because of what the meds were doing. I was all over the place, but mainly more irritable than usual. Started med number three yesterday.

She won't kiss me right now. She doesn't trust me. I can't blame her for how she feels. I have a lot of work to do on myself before we can work on us. We are still together, neither of us are going anywhere. I'm just hoping that I can find a medication that will help with my mood swings and keep me regulated.

She suggested I keep a journal to write about how my day went and what I was feeling so I can better understand myself. Tried that for about five days, doesn't seem to help. So this is my other attempt. I feel I need someone to read what I'm putting on here. I need feedback. I can't keep everything to myself in a notebook that nobody will see.

Let's see what happens.

End of line....

More Blogs

  • 08.25.12
    0

    Sunday Aug 26, 2012

    Haven't really said much lately. Haven't been in the mood. Things ar…
  • 08.22.12
    2

    Wednesday Aug 22, 2012

    My PS3 died on me tonight. Not looking forward to that repair bill…
  • 08.20.12
    0

    Monday Aug 20, 2012

    I really need to do homework. End of line....
  • 08.18.12
    0

    Sunday Aug 19, 2012

    Went to a friend's place for his birthday thingy. Played drunk Uno…
  • 08.15.12
    0

    Thursday Aug 16, 2012

    Me - 3 Spider - 0 Mosquito - 0 Tick - 0 Yes this was all toni…
  • 08.11.12
    0

    Sunday Aug 12, 2012

    80's playlist: I Come From a Land Down Under - Men At Work Electr…
  • 08.07.12
    0

    Wednesday Aug 08, 2012

    I know nobody has been reading these but I don't care. I'm still goin…
  • 08.07.12
    0

    Tuesday Aug 07, 2012

    I finally finished my first movie review vlog and am pretty satisfied…
  • 08.05.12
    0

    Sunday Aug 05, 2012

    I was trolling Google+ last night (still don't know why the link to m…
  • 08.03.12
    0

    Friday Aug 03, 2012

    Things are going to get difficult very soon.... I received the lette…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
4
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,597 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,979 followers
  • 14,936,349 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,433,611 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo