lostinspace

It never ends... Every week, now, feels like finals week.

Constant studying...
High stress levels...
Self-loathing...

I'm just exhausted! The real finals are in a couple of weeks and I am really just burned out. I don't want to fail this semester, but the classes are so ridiculously hard right now that it seems like that really is a possibility, and it is really a scary thought!

I'm all set to move to Vallejo to start rotations for 9 months. I'll be working at various hospitals in Fairfield, Vallejo, and Richmond, and although that scares the shit out of my (dealing with real patients - moreso than me filling prescriptions and counseling at Longs...), ANYTHING different that sitting in class and having exams sounds pretty awesome.

But...if I do happen to fail a class, I'm stuck here in Stockton for another year, paying the school more money...

My ex and I got back together and she is ready to move to Vallejo with me as well. She quit her job (she hated it anyway) and is looking for jobs in the Bay. We got approved for an awesome apartment. I'd be so sad if I'd have to stay in Stockton for another year (not that Stockton is bad, just that it'll put me back another year). And the worst thing about it is, I see all these other idiots in my class, breezing through these exams and I just KNOW that I am going to be such a better pharmacist than them even if I don't have every little detail memorized. This girl in lab the other day asked me what kerosene was. One of the drugs we were talking about tastes like kerosene and she didn't know what it was! She was asking me if that was a bad taste. If she passes and I don't, what does that say about me?!?

Anyways, we had this exam today in Infectious Disease and I really fucked it up. I didn't know anything at all. I was sure about maybe 10 out of the 35 questions... That's so sad.

We have an quiz tomorrow in General Pharmaceutical Care. I think I'm going to study for another hour, then go to bed. I was up late last night and I am awfully tired...

My nurse called me today, too, asking how I feel. There was an abnormality on a chest x-ray I had done a couple of weeks ago. I really hope it is nothing serious...