lostidentity

You know, its kinda sad how an entire population of 350,000 people can live in a cluster of churches and ice cold unpredictable weather, and not try and even put in an effort to make their city famous for something. I have a very big history in Wichita and no matter what I do, I can never have a day go by where I don't have some memory of it. I seriously do have a hatred of the place and I'm not exactly sure why, but I just can't bring myself to admit whatever the reasoning is. I would seriously put a bullet in my head before moving back there. Its just like your stuck in a frozen pile of shit and you can't get out no matter how hard your legs try to lift. Every time I think I want to move, I think of Wichita Kansas and then I'm grateful that I'm not living there. The people are ok, its just the environment that really deters me. Its kinda funny though because the people of Philly are very cold, but they don't hide anything. They don't try and paint some rosy picture of how interesting god has made their life and how they owe all their fortunes to god because god smiled upon them and gave them their middle class home along with their socially acceptable rebelious teenagers who later become just like their head up the ass moms. Philly people have grit all the way to the bone. Don't get me wrong, I'm often intimidated by the rudeness of the people....I've been living here for almost four years now and I still try and hold the door open for people, and maybe twice I've gotten a thank you. Just a habit I wont kick I guess. Then there are the people who live in the boonies of PA. THey have shown me the biggest heart. I'm so glad I got to go to high school there So all in all this must mean that I believe god has given me my fortunes to be surrounded by cold people while being raised by peeps with a huge heart. If I ever give god credit for some type of material gain, please puke on me and may a lightning bolt strike me upon the hour and I can die in hell for eternity.