SPEAK SWEET CHILD, AND FIND OUT THROUGH DISCOMFORT
They smiled at each other while eating breakfast in the car. A fast food restaurant is what they would always put themselves through in the not so early mornings before going to work. Both loving hard working people, both in love with the other, but both with secrets.
Her eyes looking out of the window, wondering what it was she felt inside, something always on the tip of her tongue; something she thought that could possibly be better than where she was. He naively sat thinking of how happy they were together, not knowing of anything going through her head. His secrets differed greatly as far as subject to importance. He never wanted to leave, but she was dreaming of someone else. Letting emotions drift to her heart; thought and feelings that made her want something "better."
The differences between the tow lovers seemed somewhat nonexistent to her, but change of heart came creeping from the cloudy skies which covered everything she looked for in happiness. This secret that was more than enough for someone to be crushed by feelings of rejection. It could well destroy the relationship that they shared together. On the other hand she could simultaneously daydream about loving him forever. Letting him hold onto her heart, and not taking advantage of his love.
This beautiful women was so full of confusion that knowing what was really good for her couldn't be seen when she was accompanied by the man she interpreted as a point in life that was not exactly important. Love for him was strong, no doubt, but levels of love can fluctuate from infinitely high to the lowest low. Its the emotion so confusing that even living a life of immortality one could not fully understand it.
He was happy to be with this fine woman. In her eyes he daydreamed of the future and how he was ready for something better to happen. He hardly noticed the fact that conversation hardly flowed between them and that barriers of interest were building. He was blinded by love. She knew this, and in that recognition she betrayed that love when the time of realization as to her growing needs that she imagined that he couldn't possibly satisfy. She was blinded by lack of belief. Belief in the fact that he could and would do what it took to give joy to her. She put them both through prolonged torture that was completely unnecessary. All because of fear that there could very well be nothing waiting in that horizon she stared at. Would she recognize it; or would she have to leave him in search of what it was she "needed" to fulfill life?
Her thoughts rambled continuously to themselves and a great contradiction in emotion began to overcome her. She turned to look at him to see his smooth skin and beautiful eyes; he turned smiling at her winking whispering sweetly "I love you babe" with a calm honest tone. He heart dropped as she felt pain engulf her chest. She uttered an "I love you too" and looked away. Her emotions cluttering inside her head. Loving him and not really wanting to see him again. She's torn between herself and was attempting to find a way to talk so she could find for sure what was real, what she wanted. To end the battle between the emotions and thoughts she needed to understand more about herself. It seemed to her the only way to accomplish this temporary peace of mind ... was to leave him.
The unsuspecting man that she viewed as a boy was imagining what it was the caused his lover to give him the monotone reply she did. He wasn't sure if she felt the same uncomfortable as he did, he wasn't sure if paranoia was just over sweeping his head and clouding rational thought. From lack of concentration due to his excessive worry about his lovers problems and their causes, he failed to see the stopped cars in front of him. Her eyes happened to fall on the road and she saw deaths face. Grabbing his hand screaming "stop the car!" while he held the wheel with great intensity and swerved to the side of the road. Pressing the breaks, grinding his teeth he brought them somewhere off the road.
Looking at each other once gain with powerful gazes. They hugged with tears of joy for each other and life. Suddenly blackness overcame them as another car veered off the road smashing into the car. Glass shattered and they're bodies rattled in the car. When consciousness came they were in separate rooms and in completely different conditions. The vehicle that collided into theirs was a large red pickup. It flew into, and almost through, the driver side. It nearly crushed the mans body. He was in the intensive care unit. She on the other hand, besides a few cute a black eye and concussion was stable.
He died and she knew nothing of this until after being attended to by a nurse. She felt indescribable things. To call them emotions would be an understatement. She could never talk to the man she had loved again, he was truly gone. The chance to know what would've been better for her had found her. Hating that fact and the fact of his death she lost control and cried for hours. After a few weeks her cuts and bruises were healed up, she was let out of the hospital; but still could not get over her self hate because she didn't take the chance to speak.
She grew old with another man whom she loved very much. Someone she met out of the blue who brought great happiness to her soul. But not one day went by where she didn't wish to be accompanied by her deceased lover. Not one day passed that regret didn't overcome her and force her to cry momentarily.
That continuous question she still hears drifting through her head. The same one she was thinking that day. Had she broken the silence and respected her lover then they may have found happiness in each others arms. She thought always about the "I should haves, I could haves" but always came back to the thought, "But I didn't and now it hurts more than it would have then." This pain she felt (that was secret to her husband) can be viewed as due punishment or unjustified lifelong torment. The fact is to hold the truth dear to yourself and your lovers. Some pain is worth experiencing, and most people suffer similar pain through easy lessons of life. None are as great as this example, hers is a tragedy no one has ever known and wouldn't want to know.
In selfish actions of not wanting to be uncomfortable are the hypocritical facts that make a person unsure. Why not suffer momentary pain through conversation and words of truth. That path may seem hard when confronted by it, but ask yourself what you may do if you were unable to ever say anything. -END-
(ignore any typos thankx)
***Sinstress***