My life has never been too grand.
I suppose it could have been, but I never had much drive to make anything of it. Instead, I have always sluggishly just gone though the motions and let time pass with virtually no noteworthy events.
I've worked the same job at the same location for more than fifteen years.
I've had three relationships in that time, one of which lasted about six years. (About four of which I learned she had been cheating.)
Now, after all this time, work + relationship has brought me to a wonderful time in my life...
For the past decade, I have worked alongside a Khmer woman. (Her brother & sister-in-laws for the past 15.) We became friends and, over the past couple years, grew extremely close and think of each other as siblings. She, my sister and I, her brother.
I told her several months ago that I needed a reboot to my life. I needed a fresh start. I needed, basically, a new life. I planned on remodeling my home as a start. While she was very happy and supportive, she offered another idea to me after a couple weeks.
It was a concept that was incredibly foreign to myself as an American and even an object of ridicule. But she pressed the concept to me and quickly earned my interest. For weeks, we would discuss this concept and how it has worked within her culture. I went on to research it on my own time.
The concept was a so-called "arranged marriage" as the Khmer do.
She swore she knew the perfect woman for me; her cousin. But more than that, it would be a perfect family for me as one doesn't just marry an individual, they truly join the family as a son (or daughter).
Since it wouldn't be entirely "traditional" as I would be able to talk with and develop more of a long-distance relationship, I decided to dip my toes into that water.
Via SKYPE at my friend/coworker's home (with her children running about and her husband, a refugee camp survivor, helping me to understand their birth country's culture), I met her cousin and family. A mother, father and three brothers, all with big smiles and excited eyes.
The cousin kept her eyes turned down, very very seldom looking up into the camera and at me. "Why is she doing that?" I asked my friend's husband out of mic range. My friend laughed and he explained that is simply the way they are raised. In traditional households, the children are raised in abstinence and never ever date; they instead wait for an "arranged marriage" suitor to come along. There is a massive amount of respect coupled with an extreme shyness born from this. And, as the culture dictates, females are inferior to males. While I had already been told this and confirmed through my own research, it was still a massive shock to see it firsthand.
I said to her, "Please, you don't have to look away. We're equal, the same." This earned some nervous laughter all around.
The meeting went well; as well it could go seeing as how it was an excited family with high hopes meeting a baffled American.
My friend told me how much the family liked me and that they were baffled by some of the things I said. She explained my views (and most American's, I'd wager) and they, according to her, burst into tears of joy. They said that based on this alone, they wished to call me "son". When I heard this, I too cried. I never thought about how different and wonderful our American culture can be to non-Americans. By simply being myself, I earned the admiration of an entire family.
The cousin and I began communicating through emails daily. Her English was fair enough to comprehend but she had a brother assist regardless. Apparently, the entire family would gather around to read messages I would send.
Over a couple weeks, I found myself doing something I never would have imagined. I found myself falling in love with someone I had never met in person. More than that, I was falling in love with her family and culture as well. (The good sides of the culture, that is. Such as their respect and treatment of elders and their manners of celebrations.)
With a massive message sent to her father (and family), I asked for his daughter's hand in marriage and to be accepted into their family.
Since then, I have had the wonderful opportunity to speak with her father and one brother on the telephone. And of course her. Her father cries every time I speak with him as does his wife, who is the only one in the family who cannot speak any English. Every day, I speak with their daughter at 7:00 AM per her request.
In the coming year, I will be going to her country for a huge engagement ceremony. After which, she will receive a K-1 visa within a couple months. With the engagement ceremony acting more-or-less as an official Khmer marriage, we will be married without any American ceremony. (She wishes to save every penny possible to ensure a good future for our family.)
So, my home remodeling has been put indefinitely on hold at my fiancee and her family's request in order to start saving money early. As she says, "I don't care about where we live or what we have." Khmer life starts anew upon marriage.
Our lives will have their reboot and start fresh together.
I've never been happier in my life.
Finally, grandeur has come and I have motivation to be more.
Love and happiness:
I suppose it could have been, but I never had much drive to make anything of it. Instead, I have always sluggishly just gone though the motions and let time pass with virtually no noteworthy events.
I've worked the same job at the same location for more than fifteen years.
I've had three relationships in that time, one of which lasted about six years. (About four of which I learned she had been cheating.)
Now, after all this time, work + relationship has brought me to a wonderful time in my life...
For the past decade, I have worked alongside a Khmer woman. (Her brother & sister-in-laws for the past 15.) We became friends and, over the past couple years, grew extremely close and think of each other as siblings. She, my sister and I, her brother.
I told her several months ago that I needed a reboot to my life. I needed a fresh start. I needed, basically, a new life. I planned on remodeling my home as a start. While she was very happy and supportive, she offered another idea to me after a couple weeks.
It was a concept that was incredibly foreign to myself as an American and even an object of ridicule. But she pressed the concept to me and quickly earned my interest. For weeks, we would discuss this concept and how it has worked within her culture. I went on to research it on my own time.
The concept was a so-called "arranged marriage" as the Khmer do.
She swore she knew the perfect woman for me; her cousin. But more than that, it would be a perfect family for me as one doesn't just marry an individual, they truly join the family as a son (or daughter).
Since it wouldn't be entirely "traditional" as I would be able to talk with and develop more of a long-distance relationship, I decided to dip my toes into that water.
Via SKYPE at my friend/coworker's home (with her children running about and her husband, a refugee camp survivor, helping me to understand their birth country's culture), I met her cousin and family. A mother, father and three brothers, all with big smiles and excited eyes.
The cousin kept her eyes turned down, very very seldom looking up into the camera and at me. "Why is she doing that?" I asked my friend's husband out of mic range. My friend laughed and he explained that is simply the way they are raised. In traditional households, the children are raised in abstinence and never ever date; they instead wait for an "arranged marriage" suitor to come along. There is a massive amount of respect coupled with an extreme shyness born from this. And, as the culture dictates, females are inferior to males. While I had already been told this and confirmed through my own research, it was still a massive shock to see it firsthand.
I said to her, "Please, you don't have to look away. We're equal, the same." This earned some nervous laughter all around.
The meeting went well; as well it could go seeing as how it was an excited family with high hopes meeting a baffled American.
My friend told me how much the family liked me and that they were baffled by some of the things I said. She explained my views (and most American's, I'd wager) and they, according to her, burst into tears of joy. They said that based on this alone, they wished to call me "son". When I heard this, I too cried. I never thought about how different and wonderful our American culture can be to non-Americans. By simply being myself, I earned the admiration of an entire family.
The cousin and I began communicating through emails daily. Her English was fair enough to comprehend but she had a brother assist regardless. Apparently, the entire family would gather around to read messages I would send.
Over a couple weeks, I found myself doing something I never would have imagined. I found myself falling in love with someone I had never met in person. More than that, I was falling in love with her family and culture as well. (The good sides of the culture, that is. Such as their respect and treatment of elders and their manners of celebrations.)
With a massive message sent to her father (and family), I asked for his daughter's hand in marriage and to be accepted into their family.
Since then, I have had the wonderful opportunity to speak with her father and one brother on the telephone. And of course her. Her father cries every time I speak with him as does his wife, who is the only one in the family who cannot speak any English. Every day, I speak with their daughter at 7:00 AM per her request.
In the coming year, I will be going to her country for a huge engagement ceremony. After which, she will receive a K-1 visa within a couple months. With the engagement ceremony acting more-or-less as an official Khmer marriage, we will be married without any American ceremony. (She wishes to save every penny possible to ensure a good future for our family.)
So, my home remodeling has been put indefinitely on hold at my fiancee and her family's request in order to start saving money early. As she says, "I don't care about where we live or what we have." Khmer life starts anew upon marriage.
Our lives will have their reboot and start fresh together.
I've never been happier in my life.
Finally, grandeur has come and I have motivation to be more.
Love and happiness: