Today I finally accepted that I seriously need help and I went and got it.
I went to the doctors today to discuss the way I've been feeling for years and the awful emotional scars that the physical and mental abuse of my previous relationship has left on me. I told him about the voices in my head and the constant feeling of anger that makes my chest hurt every single day. For a while things plateaued but within the last year and a half it has slowly but surely been getting worse and my mental state has taken a nose dive. I've kept everything bottled up so long that it's taking a toll on my physical health. Sleepless nights, no appetite, when I do sleep I can't wake up and I'll sleep for over 12 hours, my bones hurt, and migraines are becoming more frequent.
I've known for a long time that I've needed help and I'm glad I went today. I'm starting to feel quite a bit of hope that things will get better for me. I don't want to live this way anymore and I know that if I continue to I'll probably do something stupid. I have so many hopes and dreams and I won't let the voices or anything else get in my way.
I pick my medication up tomorrow and I'll be seeing a psychiatrist within the next week and a half to get an accurate diagnosis of my condition. From there I'll start seeing a counselor.
I'm also attending a Buddhist service on the 26th. If any Ohio girls want to join me it would be nice to have some company.
There's always hope.
