lorensoth

Its funny and somehow sad how what I type here is the only actual record of my life that I keep these days.

For years I would write my thoughts and feelings down in a journal, knowing no one would really ever read them. Thankfully here I can type what I want without fear of having anyone else saying anything about this thing I call my life.

I keep thinking about Amy... brief moments when driving my car, I hear a song... a sad song that makes me think about her. And I can feel myself choking back the tears, fighting that sadness that wants to overtake me.

I get through it but it's hard to forget how she dosent want to see me, that she can't even look at me yet. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like when I see her again... I am sure I will come off very strong at first... but in keeping with what she wants right now I will pull back all to quickly after that.

I know what I loved is feeling her filled with desire, but she is always holding herself back in one way or another. She gets overwhelmed by the passion I feel for her in a way, we both tend to feel a lot, its something I have had to learn to deal with all my life.

I can only imagine how that feeling must be for her, and I wish I could help but I would really just wind up getting in the way. I want to see her soon, it's hard to get through each day, and all I have to hold on to is that she might call or want me to come over someday soon.

For now I am only allowed to see her in my dreams...