Title: St. Paycheque's Day
God is going to be good to me real soon.
Today is pay day. Once again, though my job is about as fun as having rabid monkeys check my pubic hair for lice, I get a decent paycheque. I go down to my work, pick up the cheque, and cash it in. My employer's are so low-tech. Haven't they heard of direct deposit?
With it, I shall keep my student loans at bay, pay the cable bill, buy food, and furnish my room. And if I have some money left over, get a little something for myself. Last time, it was a chainmail dice bag (It was my birthday on the 1st of this month, after all). This time... I don't know.
Then i'm going to start on a short story... that is, if Raven doesn't wheedle me into watching Red Dwarf or Invader Zim on my computer. I'm really starting to enjoy those shows, though I think that maybe i'm being too much of a geek doing so. I mean, I look at myself and I think... MAN! I'm A GEEK! I'm a f**king stereotype! I'm the thing that most people hate! I'm the thing that Mal' makes fun of! I'm disgusting!
But what can I do? I am what I am, for better or for worse. I cannot change myself unless I wipe the slate clean, killing all my hobbies, my writing, everything that makes my free time bearable. I would have to go into something... normal. What do normal people have for hobbies anyways? Do they even have hobbies? Or do they just watch bad sitcoms and reality tv?
Smeg. I'll have to stay a nerd. With my social life at a low, my high school period being hell, and my career sucking major goat balls, I admit to having regrets. If only I shucked off my geekiness in high school, became popular, faked my way into being 'cool' (though it make me retch with horror) and was therefore given confidence by my classmates because I faked being normal, I could have made something more of myself.
Generic, fake, sellout, but at least I would be safe and secure.
But to add to this EMO moment, I always wondered what it would be like to go back in time. Knowing what I would know, I would change my social standing... or take horrific revenge on my classmates with their secrets. Though I would change my personality and standing in life, I ask myself "Would they change?"
Of course not! They would still be the same flaming git retards that I knew in the past. The only difference is that instead of doing it my way, I would sell out and go their way. I mean, how can I be friends with people, knowing full well they are and may very well still be total assholes? I know how they treat me, and though it might change if I did it their way, I would also know how they would truely act if I was myself. That would forever be a black stain in my mind. So even if I gave them the chance to make amends, I would still never forget, and find it hard to forgive.
Ok, I have good and bad points about getting rid of my geekiness. As much as I would love to be popular and successful in the world's view, I don't think I can do it without a total change. I cannot do it, try as I might. If I did so, the world would be less fun, and I would become more miserable in my security.
Besides, from what the world tells you what's cool and what's not, I would be dead broke trying to keep up with fashion, a major backstabbing prick from office politics, and I would be gone from SG because it's on the geek fringe. Not only that, the world chooses who it wants. Nobody can choose to be cool or popular. That has already been decided by others, using criteria which is easy to define but impossible to meet. From elementary school onwards, you have no say in your social standing. The world decides to make you a popular jock, or a geek, and throws you in it for life. So in conclusion, i'm a geek. I'm going to stay a geek. Though I can change and fake my way to being normal, i'll always be considered a geek and treated as such.
Well, i'm stuck. Oh well. Hope the rant wasn't too much, boyos and girls.
God is going to be good to me real soon.
Today is pay day. Once again, though my job is about as fun as having rabid monkeys check my pubic hair for lice, I get a decent paycheque. I go down to my work, pick up the cheque, and cash it in. My employer's are so low-tech. Haven't they heard of direct deposit?
With it, I shall keep my student loans at bay, pay the cable bill, buy food, and furnish my room. And if I have some money left over, get a little something for myself. Last time, it was a chainmail dice bag (It was my birthday on the 1st of this month, after all). This time... I don't know.
Then i'm going to start on a short story... that is, if Raven doesn't wheedle me into watching Red Dwarf or Invader Zim on my computer. I'm really starting to enjoy those shows, though I think that maybe i'm being too much of a geek doing so. I mean, I look at myself and I think... MAN! I'm A GEEK! I'm a f**king stereotype! I'm the thing that most people hate! I'm the thing that Mal' makes fun of! I'm disgusting!
But what can I do? I am what I am, for better or for worse. I cannot change myself unless I wipe the slate clean, killing all my hobbies, my writing, everything that makes my free time bearable. I would have to go into something... normal. What do normal people have for hobbies anyways? Do they even have hobbies? Or do they just watch bad sitcoms and reality tv?
Smeg. I'll have to stay a nerd. With my social life at a low, my high school period being hell, and my career sucking major goat balls, I admit to having regrets. If only I shucked off my geekiness in high school, became popular, faked my way into being 'cool' (though it make me retch with horror) and was therefore given confidence by my classmates because I faked being normal, I could have made something more of myself.
Generic, fake, sellout, but at least I would be safe and secure.
But to add to this EMO moment, I always wondered what it would be like to go back in time. Knowing what I would know, I would change my social standing... or take horrific revenge on my classmates with their secrets. Though I would change my personality and standing in life, I ask myself "Would they change?"
Of course not! They would still be the same flaming git retards that I knew in the past. The only difference is that instead of doing it my way, I would sell out and go their way. I mean, how can I be friends with people, knowing full well they are and may very well still be total assholes? I know how they treat me, and though it might change if I did it their way, I would also know how they would truely act if I was myself. That would forever be a black stain in my mind. So even if I gave them the chance to make amends, I would still never forget, and find it hard to forgive.
Ok, I have good and bad points about getting rid of my geekiness. As much as I would love to be popular and successful in the world's view, I don't think I can do it without a total change. I cannot do it, try as I might. If I did so, the world would be less fun, and I would become more miserable in my security.
Besides, from what the world tells you what's cool and what's not, I would be dead broke trying to keep up with fashion, a major backstabbing prick from office politics, and I would be gone from SG because it's on the geek fringe. Not only that, the world chooses who it wants. Nobody can choose to be cool or popular. That has already been decided by others, using criteria which is easy to define but impossible to meet. From elementary school onwards, you have no say in your social standing. The world decides to make you a popular jock, or a geek, and throws you in it for life. So in conclusion, i'm a geek. I'm going to stay a geek. Though I can change and fake my way to being normal, i'll always be considered a geek and treated as such.
Well, i'm stuck. Oh well. Hope the rant wasn't too much, boyos and girls.
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My hometown was Bankend, which is about another 45 min north of Lipton on Hyw #35
I hope God is good to you soon.