lord_shade

Title: 'Tongue' and Cheek

After my last emo fest that was my journal, I hit an all time low this month.

I wanted to be alone. Shut myself away and be alone. But you know what happened instead?

My roommate invited guests. I found out about it when two teenage girls were camped at my doorstep two hours before my roommate was destined to arrive home from his temp job. No note of it until I found out that a miniscule post it note was left on the outside door.

So I sedated the two women with the second Inuyasha movie. Since they were friends from Calgary's local anime club (JAWS), they took to the movie like ducks to a pond. I barely had to lift a finger to keep them happy.

But it did monopolize my computer time when I wanted to do some writing. And it did keep the place noisy with shrill laughs and giggles when I wanted nothing more than to have the world screw off for awhile. And when my roommate came home, it didn't stop. They watched anime until I went to work..

My roommate is almost twice their age. He sees no problem in this. Though their interaction is innocent enough, i'm sure it would raise questions with the girls' parents, neighbors, other friends, etc. My roommate never sees these possible problems, and all I can do is shake my head and hope to god HE'LL deal with it when it comes.

I had something strange happen to me at work today.

I was working on the scrubbing machine, which was working in an unusually reliable fashion. I was thinking over a story arc for my major writing project, and thought of my main character in a dire circumstance. I was starting to see the parallels in my real life as I mapped out the characters and their encounters.

I noted the desperation of the one scene I thought out, as my characters were ambushed, and were down to their last spells. I thought of the desperation, the last defiance, and finally the dying breaths as the anticipation of being overrun and killed became all too real...

It felt like what I was feeling now. Currently, I feel like my life's lost control. I'm failing at a fast rate, I can't seem to feel better about myself, and I feel threatened and trapped by all the negative events that seem to grow as big as mountains around me. I was being ambushed, and I was waiting for the trap to be sprung, waiting for real life to finally finish me off...

And I found myself speaking in tongues.

I kid you not. Fast, rapid fire tongues. The language between god and myself. It spoke of the desperation and the urgency of reaching out, giving one last dying breath to scream out an SOS to my lord, to help me before I find myself drowned in my sorrows.

And I stopped. Shocked at what I heard coming from my mouth, yet not wanting to quit, I stopped out of fear of what I was doing. Was I going crazy at last? Was my sanity being unhinged? Was it not tongues, but really possession? Or was it just going off on one screwed up tangent?

So I stopped myself. But a minute later, I went off again. Ten seconds, until I did the emotional equivalent of smashing the radio transmitter.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!"

And so I did.

I wonder if God heard me? Would be nice to think he did. But man, am I scared or what...