longlostsapper

So it wasn't a bad day then the nightmares woke me up, so I was sitting here in the dark holding my bayonet for comfort, thinking of all the lost friends family members people I love that are just gone and for the first time in my life I had a loss of faith, I lived through some really bad shit seen and done evil, went to war killed tasted death and never lost faith, but as I sit here with tears in my eyes I'm at a loss is god there dose he just not care anymore did I offend him too many time, am I truly that bad were they, how do I move on, why do I still hurt, why don't the nightmares stay away, will I ever be whole again or will these wounds never heal. Part of me wants it all to end, no I would never kill myself, too much left to do and my daughter needs me or I like to think she dose, but I wonder what good am I really, I'm just a broken useless old solder that was only good at war. I hate this I feel like a useless whining bitch my hands shaking I see things in the shadows that I know arent really there, I don't know how long I can keep it all up, I just want to hit someone beat them make them feel pain watch them bleed, I fight my rage every min of everyday I don't know how much longer I can keep it up, I think it's killing me