lollygrrl

Well I'm feeling the loneliness a lot lately. I mean, I've always been ok with just being by myself but recently I've been wanting to be around SOMEbody-- shit, ANYbody!! But I really want someone to hold me.. and kiss me. My girl is up in Kentucky and its been more than 6 months since I last kissed her and it sucks. Anybody...
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I'm having the most fucked up time in my head right now.. things are falling apart at work and things have never been right at home. It's hard when the bottom feels like it's falling out from under the only stability you have in your life..
and it makes you question your purpose
and how much more you can take...

Wow.. I have not been on this site in fucking eons. Its terrible.. I can't figure a goddamn thing out now. Like for real its great all of the new exciting stuff that they've put on here.. but its slightly overwhelming. In fact, it makes me just want to shut off the computer.
Good night.

I am irrate at my cunt ass ex girlfriend.

She came into my house and stole my computer and now I have to use my mother's.

Its un-fucking believable.

Well well.. another Black Friday has come and gone and somehow I'm still alive. I'm in a bit of a daze from dealing with frantic holiday shoppers today, but am still here. So now I'm off to bed while I still have fairly good thought sin my head.. hehe.

night

Well.. I guess I'm feeling a little more in touch with reality. Sometimes I get in this mind frame where I don't know if I'm really still alive. Like - things seem so.. distant. So out of touch. I feel so... lost.

But I'm back now. Well.. partially really. I don't think I'm ever truly BACK. I'm always somewhat gone.. always vaguely withdrawn. As though...
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I've been lost for awhile.. I tend to get like this every once in awhile. I just want to withdraw.. from everyone and everything. Not answering calls.. not going out.. not going on-line. Just being super anti-social. So.. if anyone was wondering.. thats where I've been. I get like this all the time.

'You can tell from the scars on my arms..
from the stains on my skirt that I'm not the carefulest girl...'


'Makes me want to give myself a beating...'


'Why on earth would anyone practice self-destruction...'

YAY!!!
I got my new computer so I can download me some music again... hooray!!!
I've been working on myself a lot lately. I'm determined NOT to turn out like my mom.. utterly miserable and blaming my unhappiness on everyone else. Being completely unable to accept that I need help.. married to someone I hate.. and vicariously living through my children.
I fucking REFUSE!!
So...
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Why do they keep up the charade?
They don't give a shit how you are..
their lips spilling empty words like vomit from their lips
so contrived
so fake
contemplating for a moment if you will yell and scream how much pain your in..
pull your sleeves up to show the fresh slashes on your arm
that are still encrusted with last nights blood..
uncovering...
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