For whatever reason, this has turned into my official rant page, never-mind getting another photo set in, no, no, I'm too busy be totally pathetic and self involved. I've decided to list my bad qualities in an attempt to find the light at the end of the (fill in the blank) _________. Ok, ready? Lets begin. I'm an undependable, narcissistic, image obsessed looser who lets everyone down. Oh no, I'm not finished, I'm also lazy, hopelessly attracted to evil bastards, depressed, addicted, anti-social, I have a twisted ankle, and, oh did I mention I let everyone down??
Alright, enough of that malarky. Now let me clarify.
I hooked up with my ex and got busted by my neighbor. My faithful subscribers will remember that I have been pining over the neighbor boy for some time now. For those of you who are new on the scene, lets recap:
I, with the help of my red-headed vixen friend, seduced the neighbor last month in a wild night of vulnerability (He and I had just been dumped and she has a list of issues a mile long). Anyway, he has been a dear to me ever since, i.e. he has made me pancakes, taken me to the movies, feeds me chocolate and lettuce (yummy!), hangs out, buddies up to my mom, but has been absolutely non-physical. Now my advisers tell me this is not abnormal and that its "healthy" and for me to be "patient", that he's "confused" or wants a "relationship", but I'm getting a little stir crazy.
I was given hope however on my birthday when he gave me a lingering hug, oh yes, lingering. Well, then I didn't see him for like two weeks and in the mean time my bi-polar ex (the one I was brokenhearted over when I seduced neighbor (and somehow can't seem to do it again) I blame his crazy self control, which I believe comes from his Aikido thing, anyway) So in the mean time, my bipolar ex comes out of his depression and calls me in manic-mode.
There are a few interesting things about this, 1) the night before he called I had been missing him real bad because I was sleeping in the blanket we first made-out in and it still had peanut-butter on it from us being high in the mountains trying to eat, and 2) I missed his call and just got his voicemail, but I knew it was from him before I heard his voice in like some sort of psychic connection.
And because I understand that he is totally bipolar and not in control of his emotions, I understand (even though it still hurt really bad) why he broke up with me. And because he is the second or third best lover I've ever had and I was on the verge of becoming a nun, I called him back. So he came over and through that thing we call fate, neighbor boy happened to be in the yard, locked out of the house, at the same time as ex and I were arriving home from food buying. Of course I was thrilled to see neighbor, being that this was the first time in a week or more so I went up and gave him some proper attention. Of course then he used the lame excuse of borrowing my phone to come over and investigate the situation. To make this short, he remembered ex's name and put it all together and I'm pretty sure he is aware that ex did not go home until very early the next morning, beeeeeeeause:
He called me yesterday, ok hold on, yesterday: I had to go out to my mom's and babysit our 16 year old dog because she has been sick. This is another reason I'm so morbid tonight. I brought her home and am going to take her to the vet but there has been a lot of talk about putting her to sleep and I'm just a wreck over it. She's ben my best buddy since I was 5.
So he called me last night to tell me (presumably) that he was sorry to hear that my dog was sick and that he didn't know I had a puppy. But once those niceties were out of the way his next words were (and I quote), "So that was Mister (insert ex's name)_________ huh?"
and I was like "yeah.....",
to which he responded with a, "Annnnnndddd???",
"And what? Its no big deal it was the first time I've seen him since everything...."
blabla covering my ass and then he goes, "Well your too good for him"
and then my phone died. And I get a terrible feeling about it all. His dad's been visiting him for weeks now and I took my pup over there tonight all in a shambles because he's some kind of doctor and I wanted him to take a look and he had a good bedside manner but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a common tramp and wonders where that other nice girl got off to. Sigh.
Did I mention that I was so blinded by tears over my puppy shnowzer that I fell off some stairs and twisted the fuck out of my ankle?......
Oh yeah, and so yesterday I had texted neighbor to see if he wanted to do something on Sunday and he said he couldn't because its his dad's last day here, but tonight when I went over his dad said he was "out with friends" . The world is coming apart, and I haven't even told you why it is i believe i let everyone down.... as if it isn't obvious.
But before I get to that let me just reiterate how god-awful of an idea it is (in case any of you were questioning it) to get involved, in any way, with one's neighbor. As if it wasn't obvious thus far, now that I have been busted by neighbor for having a bit of fun with ex I realize that my lifestyle is in serious jeopardy if I hope to keep up any kind of innocent front for neighbor's sake. How in gods name am I supposed to see other men, especially my ex who is not just any man but someone dear to me, while I wait for neighbor to let his hugs linger longer if I can't bring them to my home?? I seriously think I have hit a turning point here in neighbor-vill. Our non-communication and avoidance of the "where is this going?" conversation is no longer cutting the mustard. On one hand I relish the ability to make him jealous and to have the free will to do as I please, but while I was with ex, as much as I love and care for him, as good as he is in bed and as much as I like to be around him (when he's pleasant) I want that frigging neighbor!! And I can't have anyone get in my way, and by "get in my way" I mean, get me busted. Sigh. So on the other hand I'm afraid I may, through my willfulness, have chased neighbor away... but, it is what it is and he can't run far because he lives next door and besides, he needs to step it up anyway. So the moral of that story is, I'm selfish and I have no idea what I want so i'm stringing innocent people along while I figure it out..... then again, how is that any different that what the neighbor's doing???
Moving on. So at the end of last semester I got involved briefly with this adorable, albeit young, Navajo boy, whom I have remained friends with. So I have been telling him all summer that I'd go see him (he lives in another state), which I obviously have not and have no intention of doing. Yes, thats another thing I do, I placate people.... sigh. And the other night in a moment of sobriety I told him that I would pick him up and drive him to a powwow in Montana. Now I'm not sure if I really believed I would do it at the time or if I was just having fun making unrealistic plans, because it wasn't twenty minutes later that I came to my senses and realized that of course I would not be driving to Montana for some fucking powwow with some kid I slept with once. Ok that sounded a little creepy, let me rephrase: With some guy I slept with once. Well he called me the next day and i told him that the deal was off and he got really pissy and hung up on me. Then he called a few times and I ignored him and then he called the next day and I answered and he was all "So I'm pretty sure your not going...." and I was like "yeah, I'm sorry I didn't mean to disappoint you...." to which he responded with a very pathetic "its ok, everyone does..." So now I feel like shit about that on top of everything else.
I haven't even gotten into how the complications with my ex, or how I seem to be blowing off all my friends and exhibiting other types of concerning behavior, but I think that this is enough bad news for one night. And now you all know what a scum bag I am.
XOXO
Lolita Sordid
Alright, enough of that malarky. Now let me clarify.
I hooked up with my ex and got busted by my neighbor. My faithful subscribers will remember that I have been pining over the neighbor boy for some time now. For those of you who are new on the scene, lets recap:
I, with the help of my red-headed vixen friend, seduced the neighbor last month in a wild night of vulnerability (He and I had just been dumped and she has a list of issues a mile long). Anyway, he has been a dear to me ever since, i.e. he has made me pancakes, taken me to the movies, feeds me chocolate and lettuce (yummy!), hangs out, buddies up to my mom, but has been absolutely non-physical. Now my advisers tell me this is not abnormal and that its "healthy" and for me to be "patient", that he's "confused" or wants a "relationship", but I'm getting a little stir crazy.
I was given hope however on my birthday when he gave me a lingering hug, oh yes, lingering. Well, then I didn't see him for like two weeks and in the mean time my bi-polar ex (the one I was brokenhearted over when I seduced neighbor (and somehow can't seem to do it again) I blame his crazy self control, which I believe comes from his Aikido thing, anyway) So in the mean time, my bipolar ex comes out of his depression and calls me in manic-mode.
There are a few interesting things about this, 1) the night before he called I had been missing him real bad because I was sleeping in the blanket we first made-out in and it still had peanut-butter on it from us being high in the mountains trying to eat, and 2) I missed his call and just got his voicemail, but I knew it was from him before I heard his voice in like some sort of psychic connection.
And because I understand that he is totally bipolar and not in control of his emotions, I understand (even though it still hurt really bad) why he broke up with me. And because he is the second or third best lover I've ever had and I was on the verge of becoming a nun, I called him back. So he came over and through that thing we call fate, neighbor boy happened to be in the yard, locked out of the house, at the same time as ex and I were arriving home from food buying. Of course I was thrilled to see neighbor, being that this was the first time in a week or more so I went up and gave him some proper attention. Of course then he used the lame excuse of borrowing my phone to come over and investigate the situation. To make this short, he remembered ex's name and put it all together and I'm pretty sure he is aware that ex did not go home until very early the next morning, beeeeeeeause:
He called me yesterday, ok hold on, yesterday: I had to go out to my mom's and babysit our 16 year old dog because she has been sick. This is another reason I'm so morbid tonight. I brought her home and am going to take her to the vet but there has been a lot of talk about putting her to sleep and I'm just a wreck over it. She's ben my best buddy since I was 5.
So he called me last night to tell me (presumably) that he was sorry to hear that my dog was sick and that he didn't know I had a puppy. But once those niceties were out of the way his next words were (and I quote), "So that was Mister (insert ex's name)_________ huh?"
and I was like "yeah.....",
to which he responded with a, "Annnnnndddd???",
"And what? Its no big deal it was the first time I've seen him since everything...."
blabla covering my ass and then he goes, "Well your too good for him"
and then my phone died. And I get a terrible feeling about it all. His dad's been visiting him for weeks now and I took my pup over there tonight all in a shambles because he's some kind of doctor and I wanted him to take a look and he had a good bedside manner but I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a common tramp and wonders where that other nice girl got off to. Sigh.
Did I mention that I was so blinded by tears over my puppy shnowzer that I fell off some stairs and twisted the fuck out of my ankle?......
Oh yeah, and so yesterday I had texted neighbor to see if he wanted to do something on Sunday and he said he couldn't because its his dad's last day here, but tonight when I went over his dad said he was "out with friends" . The world is coming apart, and I haven't even told you why it is i believe i let everyone down.... as if it isn't obvious.
But before I get to that let me just reiterate how god-awful of an idea it is (in case any of you were questioning it) to get involved, in any way, with one's neighbor. As if it wasn't obvious thus far, now that I have been busted by neighbor for having a bit of fun with ex I realize that my lifestyle is in serious jeopardy if I hope to keep up any kind of innocent front for neighbor's sake. How in gods name am I supposed to see other men, especially my ex who is not just any man but someone dear to me, while I wait for neighbor to let his hugs linger longer if I can't bring them to my home?? I seriously think I have hit a turning point here in neighbor-vill. Our non-communication and avoidance of the "where is this going?" conversation is no longer cutting the mustard. On one hand I relish the ability to make him jealous and to have the free will to do as I please, but while I was with ex, as much as I love and care for him, as good as he is in bed and as much as I like to be around him (when he's pleasant) I want that frigging neighbor!! And I can't have anyone get in my way, and by "get in my way" I mean, get me busted. Sigh. So on the other hand I'm afraid I may, through my willfulness, have chased neighbor away... but, it is what it is and he can't run far because he lives next door and besides, he needs to step it up anyway. So the moral of that story is, I'm selfish and I have no idea what I want so i'm stringing innocent people along while I figure it out..... then again, how is that any different that what the neighbor's doing???
Moving on. So at the end of last semester I got involved briefly with this adorable, albeit young, Navajo boy, whom I have remained friends with. So I have been telling him all summer that I'd go see him (he lives in another state), which I obviously have not and have no intention of doing. Yes, thats another thing I do, I placate people.... sigh. And the other night in a moment of sobriety I told him that I would pick him up and drive him to a powwow in Montana. Now I'm not sure if I really believed I would do it at the time or if I was just having fun making unrealistic plans, because it wasn't twenty minutes later that I came to my senses and realized that of course I would not be driving to Montana for some fucking powwow with some kid I slept with once. Ok that sounded a little creepy, let me rephrase: With some guy I slept with once. Well he called me the next day and i told him that the deal was off and he got really pissy and hung up on me. Then he called a few times and I ignored him and then he called the next day and I answered and he was all "So I'm pretty sure your not going...." and I was like "yeah, I'm sorry I didn't mean to disappoint you...." to which he responded with a very pathetic "its ok, everyone does..." So now I feel like shit about that on top of everything else.
I haven't even gotten into how the complications with my ex, or how I seem to be blowing off all my friends and exhibiting other types of concerning behavior, but I think that this is enough bad news for one night. And now you all know what a scum bag I am.
XOXO
Lolita Sordid