lokischild

listening to rob zombie
talking to this kid on the phone he's really pissing me off.......he acts so fucking immature......and he's the one trying to pull the "age" card on me..........whatever....i've stopped hanging out or talking to him so much....
i need glasses...reading computer screens is really hard...and i'm near sighted enough that reading from blackboards is difficult...and that may cause some trouble once i start school (i love how that sounds) .........unfortunately i have no health insurance....so that kinda sucks...whatever.....
my mom is so fucking crazy....
i smoke way too much weed....
i need a girlfriend....
I can't wait till i start working and start school....i know that sounds wierd but i haven't freely socialized in like 9 months or something like that....since i've gotten home i haven't really done much, and i wouldn't call what i did at drum "socializing"....
registering for classes is may 4th and papa roach is may 5th and 2 of my cousins are sleeping over.....my sister and i are having them over this weekend......
those are my next milemarkers i'd guess you'd call them....i wish they were a lil bit better ones.....i mean the only one i'm really looking forward too is my cousins coming over....they're sooooo cool......they're like my lil brothers...
i've been stuck at home with my sister and mother for like the past week and it's driving me crazy.....i feel like i'm 12 years old again and it sucks.....it really does...i just want something positive to happen right now....like i get a girlfriend or chris and i get back together (that would make me so happy) or there's a party, or my friends start acknowledging me again, or i get my license,or something.....anything really....i'm just stuck in this one spot right now and it's really wearing on me....i can't write, i can't read, i can't sit still anymore, i feel like everything is the same and nothings changing and it's going to be like this forever and there's no way i could take that, i would just go bonkers......it really would be like going back 7 or 8 years and just freezing it there.......like everything i've learned since then doesn't matter or exist....i really think i need to move out, but right now i have no mode of transportation, no way of affording a place, or anyone for me to split an apartment with........i just really need something to change right now, and i've done my best to try and make some change, but nothing's happening.....
i've been having a lot of dreams about getting into relationships with these guys lately.....a couple of them were to my taste, but the last one wasn't at all.....and they weren't the kind of relationships i usually get into, which admittedly aren't always the best but i like them, and none of them had girls in them....i mean like me dating a girl....which is wierd cus that usually what i dream about when i have that kind of dream....