Listening to AFI
and not in the best frame of mind
today was really shitty....i have too much time to think, and it hurts
i've been battling depression most of my life....and the only people who ever thought to ask were a few of my friends....
i lost my sister once...
i tell myself i'm thinking black thoughts because of my period.....but thats not true....i've been thinking black thoughts as far as i can remember...
thats not true either....there's very little that i can remember...
i've been getting stoned way too much lately....i've been using weed to dampen the feelings and kill the thoughts....it's the only thing that works anymore....i've lost sleep again....one of those crazy insomniac periods
again....only its too cold to go walking, and i don't have any liquor....
"i'm nobody, who are you?
are you nobody too?"
-emily dickinson
i'm not really a fan of emily, but those words have stayed with me since the first time i read them......they define me.....i'm nobody, everybody.....i'm everyone you want me to be, and everyone that you never knew....i'm a guide, a lover, a soldier, the whipping girl, the shoulder to lean on, the exgirlfriend.....the sister, the cousin, the useless daughter....
how come when i look in the mirror, there's no one there?
a psychic once said i didn't exist....who am i to argue....
-=squish=-