lokischild

still tool

so, i managed to get through the day, but something tells me there won't be much sleep tonight either. i'm not sure if i'm still in shock and denial, or if i'm taking it much better than i thought i would. i did spend a large part of today crying, but now i just feel like i don't have any left.

i think i've largely accepted it, and i'm actively reminding myself that the only chance i have of salvaging anything is to let him go. that old adage and all.

about a month ago justin decided to spend the weekend at his parents house, but when sunday rolled around he told me that he wasn't sure when, or if he was coming back. i flipped out. i was terrified and horribly upset. when i finally calmed down, i decided to smoke some salvia that we've had here. i don't remember much after i took the hit. i only remember hearing someone tell me "let go" over and over. it almost seems prophetic now, but that's almost surely hindsight. i'm just trying to keep that in mind now.

well. i'm going to eat pancakes with a friend who is kind enough to keep me distracted.