listening to Ani DiFranco
yeah. i've been kind of scarce lately. mostly busy babysitting my sister, but she goes back home on tuesday. i love her dearly, but we function best as sisters with at least 2 hours travel in between us. these past couple weeks have convinced me that as soon as possible i need to get an apartment, with as few roomates as possible.
but i guess when i surround myself with extroverts i can't really expect them to understand that i need time to myself. it's just so damn tiring to have to put my 'public' face on. i'm not fake or anything, but socializing doesn't really come natural to me. i have to try at it. and it gets very tiring to have to constantly be on for my sister and for work and for my mom and my family, etc.
so i guess a weekend alone is a good thing for me. a chance to recharge my batteries. the problem is i don't count alone as 'alone' anymore. when i say alone, i mean, in the company of my lover. i find him soothing. but he decided that he needed a weekend back at his parents. i kind of see it as a weekend away from me, especially since this is the first weekend i've had off in a while. and it hurts to think of it like that, but i can't see it any other way.
i seem to have a real problem with self perception. apparently it's horridly warped, but i can't tell. to me, everyone else seems crazy, blind, or lying. i look in the mirror, and what i see doesn't jibe with what other people are saying. i am told about all these qualities i have that i've never seen. i'm just lost when i'm presented with what seems to be a reflection of myself. maybe i'm more over due for a weekend alone than i thought.
or maybe i just need to quit it with these pointless conversations with myself.
-=squish=-
p.s. at some point i'll stop being sappy and annoying. possibly. we'll see.
yeah. i've been kind of scarce lately. mostly busy babysitting my sister, but she goes back home on tuesday. i love her dearly, but we function best as sisters with at least 2 hours travel in between us. these past couple weeks have convinced me that as soon as possible i need to get an apartment, with as few roomates as possible.
but i guess when i surround myself with extroverts i can't really expect them to understand that i need time to myself. it's just so damn tiring to have to put my 'public' face on. i'm not fake or anything, but socializing doesn't really come natural to me. i have to try at it. and it gets very tiring to have to constantly be on for my sister and for work and for my mom and my family, etc.
so i guess a weekend alone is a good thing for me. a chance to recharge my batteries. the problem is i don't count alone as 'alone' anymore. when i say alone, i mean, in the company of my lover. i find him soothing. but he decided that he needed a weekend back at his parents. i kind of see it as a weekend away from me, especially since this is the first weekend i've had off in a while. and it hurts to think of it like that, but i can't see it any other way.
i seem to have a real problem with self perception. apparently it's horridly warped, but i can't tell. to me, everyone else seems crazy, blind, or lying. i look in the mirror, and what i see doesn't jibe with what other people are saying. i am told about all these qualities i have that i've never seen. i'm just lost when i'm presented with what seems to be a reflection of myself. maybe i'm more over due for a weekend alone than i thought.
or maybe i just need to quit it with these pointless conversations with myself.
-=squish=-
p.s. at some point i'll stop being sappy and annoying. possibly. we'll see.
loslope:
the internal dialogue is helpful. Don't quit! 