listening to disturbed
i just found out that my sisters best friend of 10 years died in a car accident. she called me, sobbing, for comfort and i couldn't provide it for her. i had nothing to say to her. nothing she wanted to hear. and it makes me wonder.
what defines a human being?
is it knowledge of their own mortality, or the fear of such?
or the presence of of emotions, maybe. or empathy with others' emotions. what i'm afraid of is that i'm missing something important, something vital that makes me human.
because the only thing i could think of to say to my sister, who is in so much pain and grief, was that these things happen.
does that make me a monster?
why doesn't the death of another phase me?
one of my grandmothers died a couple years back, and i didn't cry once.
when my aunt died, 7 or 8 years ago, i was in shock that she was gone. but i never grieved.
i've always believed that there was something else outside this world that we cannot see. a place where the souls of the dead congregate until they choose to return to the world again. and that when a person dies, we don't lose them, because we'll see them again.
a person dies.
these things happen.
am i a freak? an abomination without emotion?
i'm not afraid of death, or of the prospect of my own death. i even have a tattoo declaring that on my arm.
but i couldn't offer my own sister anything.
my mother nearly collapsed when she heard the news.
i guess she figured it could have been her own daughter, so far away from her.
i just went outside.
i tried telling my sister that emily wasn't lost, or gone forever, and that she would see emily again, and they would be together again, but she didn't want to hear that.
how about some irony: Metallica, For Whom the Bell Tolls just started playing.
my sister is coming up for the funeral. i guess a funeral or some kind of service is important for closure, but i can't help thinking that the person isn't there. emily won't be there. she's already gone. funerals just seem like a peculiar type of masochism to me.
am i cold?
am i not human?
i just found out that my sisters best friend of 10 years died in a car accident. she called me, sobbing, for comfort and i couldn't provide it for her. i had nothing to say to her. nothing she wanted to hear. and it makes me wonder.
what defines a human being?
is it knowledge of their own mortality, or the fear of such?
or the presence of of emotions, maybe. or empathy with others' emotions. what i'm afraid of is that i'm missing something important, something vital that makes me human.
because the only thing i could think of to say to my sister, who is in so much pain and grief, was that these things happen.
does that make me a monster?
why doesn't the death of another phase me?
one of my grandmothers died a couple years back, and i didn't cry once.
when my aunt died, 7 or 8 years ago, i was in shock that she was gone. but i never grieved.
i've always believed that there was something else outside this world that we cannot see. a place where the souls of the dead congregate until they choose to return to the world again. and that when a person dies, we don't lose them, because we'll see them again.
a person dies.
these things happen.
am i a freak? an abomination without emotion?
i'm not afraid of death, or of the prospect of my own death. i even have a tattoo declaring that on my arm.
but i couldn't offer my own sister anything.
my mother nearly collapsed when she heard the news.
i guess she figured it could have been her own daughter, so far away from her.
i just went outside.
i tried telling my sister that emily wasn't lost, or gone forever, and that she would see emily again, and they would be together again, but she didn't want to hear that.
how about some irony: Metallica, For Whom the Bell Tolls just started playing.
my sister is coming up for the funeral. i guess a funeral or some kind of service is important for closure, but i can't help thinking that the person isn't there. emily won't be there. she's already gone. funerals just seem like a peculiar type of masochism to me.
am i cold?
am i not human?
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I cry during war movies...everyone has their own barometer for emotion, and yours isn't changing for the loss of your sister's friend.
PS
HOLA!!
What's in Connecticut for you to be there?