My current life resume:
37 year old SWM, never married, doesn't like kids, lives with elderly grandmother, doesn't drive, available one day a week, misanthropic (emotionally unavailable often), regularly away on business .
PS: isn't sure he spelled misanthropic right.
PPS: I should clarify; if you're family or a friend I probably like your kid(s) just fine.
I hope it goes well for you and you don't have to go through too many psychos.