Been a while! The virtual world has been asking for my elaboration of summertime funtimes. The elaboration is - I've been out in it as much as possible! Ha.
Day draws drowsy and blinks open to a dark eye. The pupil is the moon, gleaming and facetted with slivers of silver splotches. Night. A summer night at that, slender from the wear of day's hot hold. Tonight I rolled home with both hands at my side masking the breeze and felt sad from memories of home. How can I describe this to an english people? How the nights are just like this, just like the paling ash sky and the so slight breeze, just like the still streets and the shifty shadows of charading trees.
The bush in Australia makes you feel like you aren't worth being around. It has such an air of independance and the harsh exterior that reminds you of your mum's stare when you've done wrong. I remember how I would fly on by, the wheels of my bike snapping twigs like wish bones. I used to fly on by to feel the strength of that air, that air of independance that I so desperately needed then. The aussie bush has a way of making you feel grounded and lost all at the same time. I needed to feel grounded and lost because I had lost ground.
This year has been a healing journey. Previously my past beckoned attention to experience a lot of pain and bitterness... however this year has brought the strength to let go. It's funny, they say that the hardest part of grief is when it overwhelms you and you feel there is no way out. This is hard, but I challenge that. Letting go of what has hurt you is harder. To say, fuck it, I am not going to let this inhibit my life anymore. I am going to take the positives and bless the universe for such a deep lessons. To let go is often associated with giving up your power on a situation you were powerless to stop/ control. So I think this is the hardest stage of the process of grief.
On my birthday this year I decided this was the next step, and it's proven harder than expected! I am getting a tattoo of a phoenix to symbolize total letting go and rebirth. (Ideas anyone?).
So these are my thoughts...... many reminders of home and humblings... and liberating thoughts of surrender in the sunshine!
Love and light
Llewella
Day draws drowsy and blinks open to a dark eye. The pupil is the moon, gleaming and facetted with slivers of silver splotches. Night. A summer night at that, slender from the wear of day's hot hold. Tonight I rolled home with both hands at my side masking the breeze and felt sad from memories of home. How can I describe this to an english people? How the nights are just like this, just like the paling ash sky and the so slight breeze, just like the still streets and the shifty shadows of charading trees.
The bush in Australia makes you feel like you aren't worth being around. It has such an air of independance and the harsh exterior that reminds you of your mum's stare when you've done wrong. I remember how I would fly on by, the wheels of my bike snapping twigs like wish bones. I used to fly on by to feel the strength of that air, that air of independance that I so desperately needed then. The aussie bush has a way of making you feel grounded and lost all at the same time. I needed to feel grounded and lost because I had lost ground.
This year has been a healing journey. Previously my past beckoned attention to experience a lot of pain and bitterness... however this year has brought the strength to let go. It's funny, they say that the hardest part of grief is when it overwhelms you and you feel there is no way out. This is hard, but I challenge that. Letting go of what has hurt you is harder. To say, fuck it, I am not going to let this inhibit my life anymore. I am going to take the positives and bless the universe for such a deep lessons. To let go is often associated with giving up your power on a situation you were powerless to stop/ control. So I think this is the hardest stage of the process of grief.
On my birthday this year I decided this was the next step, and it's proven harder than expected! I am getting a tattoo of a phoenix to symbolize total letting go and rebirth. (Ideas anyone?).
So these are my thoughts...... many reminders of home and humblings... and liberating thoughts of surrender in the sunshine!
Love and light
Llewella
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Or 'She believes we are fallen creatures who once new how to fly'... Jeanette Winterson.
(at least its morning where i am)