I hate being alone. Most nights when I get home from work, I end up chillin out alone all night long till it's bedtime. I hate it. I have two roomates, one who works all night long, and the other who is just plain never around. I get super depressed when I am alone. I am bored and lethargic.
Last night I decided I would watch a movie (alone) and while watching it, it got dark outside (as it normally does at night), but for some reason, last night I was super scared to be alone. I didn't want to get off my chair b/c I was scared. I was scared to go by the window. I was scared to watch the TV. My phone rang and I just about jumped out of the chair. I don't know what's wrong w/me. As soon as someone else came into the apartment I was fine. Maybe it's just because we just moved into this new apt. and I'm not really used to it. It's out in the middle of nowhere so even when I open the windows it's super quiet, and no one is in our building yet b/c it's a brand new building, so that makes it even more super quiet.
I don't have a passion for things that I used to have a passion for. I used to love to read, to watch movies, to shop, to surf the net, to listen to music, to sing, to dance around my place (alone!), to do hair and makeup, to gain knowledge about anything, to rollerblade, to ride my bike, to ride in my car, to decorate, to make things, to write!, etc....
But now all that is gone for me. There is nothing that I enjoy and that makes the nights longer. Everyone tells me to take some time off for me, to do stuff that I like to do, but really, there isn't anything anymore. It all feels like the same repetitive daily activities that bore me to the point of me wanting to bash my head into the wall due to all the annoyance caused by these repetative, lifeless activities.
I also used to be the kind of person that spent all her time alone. My parents were never around and there was never anyone to play with in the town I lived in (Population 300, 296 of them were old ladies), so I played by myself all the time, and I enjoyed it. I was always home alone, well alone or w/my little bro, but either way, the activities I did were mostly alone for a lot of my life...Why am I incapable of enteraining myself while alone now?
It's so weird, everyone reads things that I wrote in high school and tells me I should be a writer. That part of me is dead now. I no longer know how to write anything, and reading those things seems like I am reading something written by a whole other person. Is this what happens to everyone in life? We grow and we change and we no longer feel as though we are the person we once were? This concept makes me hate change. I feel like a foreign person to me, when I used to feel that I had a pretty good grip on who I was, what I wanted, and a grip on how to live life. Don't get me wrong, there have always been problems...but I least admist all of my problems, I knew who the hell I was.
I have lost myself somewhere in the last 2-3 years. I have lost contacts and ties with my family. I have lost a sense of what I want and where I am going. Is this sense of nothingness normal?
Last night I decided I would watch a movie (alone) and while watching it, it got dark outside (as it normally does at night), but for some reason, last night I was super scared to be alone. I didn't want to get off my chair b/c I was scared. I was scared to go by the window. I was scared to watch the TV. My phone rang and I just about jumped out of the chair. I don't know what's wrong w/me. As soon as someone else came into the apartment I was fine. Maybe it's just because we just moved into this new apt. and I'm not really used to it. It's out in the middle of nowhere so even when I open the windows it's super quiet, and no one is in our building yet b/c it's a brand new building, so that makes it even more super quiet.
I don't have a passion for things that I used to have a passion for. I used to love to read, to watch movies, to shop, to surf the net, to listen to music, to sing, to dance around my place (alone!), to do hair and makeup, to gain knowledge about anything, to rollerblade, to ride my bike, to ride in my car, to decorate, to make things, to write!, etc....
But now all that is gone for me. There is nothing that I enjoy and that makes the nights longer. Everyone tells me to take some time off for me, to do stuff that I like to do, but really, there isn't anything anymore. It all feels like the same repetitive daily activities that bore me to the point of me wanting to bash my head into the wall due to all the annoyance caused by these repetative, lifeless activities.
I also used to be the kind of person that spent all her time alone. My parents were never around and there was never anyone to play with in the town I lived in (Population 300, 296 of them were old ladies), so I played by myself all the time, and I enjoyed it. I was always home alone, well alone or w/my little bro, but either way, the activities I did were mostly alone for a lot of my life...Why am I incapable of enteraining myself while alone now?
It's so weird, everyone reads things that I wrote in high school and tells me I should be a writer. That part of me is dead now. I no longer know how to write anything, and reading those things seems like I am reading something written by a whole other person. Is this what happens to everyone in life? We grow and we change and we no longer feel as though we are the person we once were? This concept makes me hate change. I feel like a foreign person to me, when I used to feel that I had a pretty good grip on who I was, what I wanted, and a grip on how to live life. Don't get me wrong, there have always been problems...but I least admist all of my problems, I knew who the hell I was.
I have lost myself somewhere in the last 2-3 years. I have lost contacts and ties with my family. I have lost a sense of what I want and where I am going. Is this sense of nothingness normal?
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Oh my! Those are some sxy pics in your Pics folder!! Yummy!!
Best wishes and have a great day