I hate this! Everytime I feel like I am making progress and getting a little bit better, everything falls to shit and I just want to give up and slit my wrists. I just about did it over lunch break today, but then I thought about how pissed my boss at work would be and how I would be fucking them over b/c today is deadline day. So I figured I couldn't do it over break because then they would just be pissed at me and hate me even after I was dead...
Yeah I know it sounds strange. I suppose one would say that this mentality shows that I really don't want to die. I am so torn, I mean I really do at times, and then I really don't at times. Today is fucking horrible. All this stress gets piled on me and I am so weak, I just can't handle it all. Life is stressful, I know that, so why do I fold? It's a personal flaw as far as I'm concerned. This whole damn depression thing is just a personal flaw. I'm not really depressed, there really is no such thing in my mind. I am just a person that can't keep my shit together. There is no disease by the name of depression, I am just a poor, weak exuse for a human being.
My soul hurts and I am dizzy. I feel like the room is spinning in circles around me and I just want to bawl. I am working so hard to hold back the tears and just get through the rest of the day. I don't need people around here knowing what a weak little freak I am.
Going to the doc and getting on meds and shit totally fucked me over for money. Instead of hte fucking doctor helping, it's making things so much worse because I am so far in debt now, this is stressing me out...fucking doctors...they can't do shit...How does the medical industry expect to help people when I want to slit my throat everytime I see my bill and everytime I think about it?
Does everyone see what a weak whiner I am? Feel free to NOT comment in this journal, it's not worth comments, and I'm fucking serious.
Yeah I know it sounds strange. I suppose one would say that this mentality shows that I really don't want to die. I am so torn, I mean I really do at times, and then I really don't at times. Today is fucking horrible. All this stress gets piled on me and I am so weak, I just can't handle it all. Life is stressful, I know that, so why do I fold? It's a personal flaw as far as I'm concerned. This whole damn depression thing is just a personal flaw. I'm not really depressed, there really is no such thing in my mind. I am just a person that can't keep my shit together. There is no disease by the name of depression, I am just a poor, weak exuse for a human being.
My soul hurts and I am dizzy. I feel like the room is spinning in circles around me and I just want to bawl. I am working so hard to hold back the tears and just get through the rest of the day. I don't need people around here knowing what a weak little freak I am.
Going to the doc and getting on meds and shit totally fucked me over for money. Instead of hte fucking doctor helping, it's making things so much worse because I am so far in debt now, this is stressing me out...fucking doctors...they can't do shit...How does the medical industry expect to help people when I want to slit my throat everytime I see my bill and everytime I think about it?
Does everyone see what a weak whiner I am? Feel free to NOT comment in this journal, it's not worth comments, and I'm fucking serious.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I pulled through that nightmare and Im hear today. No matter how bad things get, you have to believe they will get better. For this is one little piece of time from a giant lifetime of possibilities. Hope things get better.
bbb