liz_marie1222

Hey kids, sorry it's been for flippin ever since I've updated. I also haven't commented in anyone's journal for quite some time. But I still love you all!!!!!

Well my beloved PullOffMyWings has officially left for California! I will miss her greatly but I hope that she enjoys herself there. She stated in her journal that she left here because everything was always the same, work, drink, drugs, sleep, work..etc, but that she had some good friends etc here. This statement has left me wondering....Isn't that all life is anywhere? I mean, no matter where you go or where you are, life is repetitious, it is only the people that enter and exit your life daily, and your experiences with them that makes one day different from the next. Is this life everywhere? I would honestly like to know...I am greatly happy that she has moved on with her life, and I know that she will enjoy California much better than here, this is a pretty boring place to be However, I wonder about my situation, soley my situation...will life finally come more alive for me if I get out of here? If I pick up and leave, decide to uproot all that I know? Or do I need to stop waiting for something to happen to jolt my life into a place where I feel something is happening and worthwhile living for? Do I feel that my life is boring because I am looking at it the wrong way? By focusing on how every single day I go to work and then go home, and then eat, and then go to bed, and every single weekend it feels as though I do the same things, am I ultimately making my life boring by the aspects of it that I focus on??

If I decided to focus on the small happenings throughout my day that were a little different, and the experiences and the friends that I encounter thoughout my days, would my days ultimately feel different and my life thus feel as though it has more variety and meaning?? Is life repetitious to everyone?

Why does it feel as though I am destined not to have friends? As soon as I find someone that I can actually identify with, and I know that there is a good relationship growing, then they leave. What does this mean? Does this mean I need to leave also? Does this mean I am horrible at making good friends?

I feel that I am at a place where I am evaluating my life. I am nowhere, I have gotten no where, and I am going no where. Does everyone feel this way?

I feel that I need to work on me. I have no idea what my hobbies are, who I am and what I want to do. I am driven by depression, focusing on the shit of things. I need to work on me. I need to stop worrying about how I am going to help others all the time and leaving no time for myself. Granted, helping others ultimately makes me feel better, but how do I know this for sure? So many people feel so guilty for focusing on healing and helping themselves instead of just healing and helping others all the time, that there are so many broken people out there. Why is this so? In order to be able to help others the way you should be able to, you must first focus on yourself, and it's sad that we feel so guilty about giving ourselves a little TLC. I am one of those people and I do not even know how to begin. I do not even know how to live for myself and not others...