Well, just about time for Easter. I don't really want to get together with my family. But perhaps I will drop by on Sat. I mean my normal family would be fine, but my extended family, aunts, uncles, etc. they all hate me, they just pretend to like me, so I really dont want to go.
I honestly need to go back on some fucking meds...my mood swings are fucking insane! I just about threw my computer today because I was typing a classified ad for work and I couldn't read the person's handwriting. Can we say "psycho?" I mean imagine how fast they would fire me if I just threw a computer out of nowhere.
I am hopefully going to look at a car today. I really need a car. I am sick and tired of driving my parents borrowed ghetto van. Plus, they need it back anyway.
I feel bad for my parents. All they have ever known is people treating them like shit and being told they are stupid. They lost their jobs b/c the plant closed and now they are working at a gawd-awful place. My mom has carpal tunnel so severely and she uses her hands everyday to sand cabinets. She can barely hang on to anything anymore. It hurts her hands to much to grip a piece of paper, she just kinda rests it on her hand. WOW.
They think they are too stupid to get better jobs. They don't have enough money to take care of them selves physically and mentally. I just don't know what to do. I have spent my whole life worrying about them, and once I came to college and when I started to see shrinks they told me that part of my problem was worrying about my family, so just to focus on myself for once because I always demote myself to last.
Well I did that for about a year, and I feel like shit. I am such a bad daughter. I want to help them and I don't know how. My dad has been an asshole our whole lives, and now I realize that he and I have the same thing. We both are affected by severe depression and borderline personality disorder, but I can't help him. He can't/won't see anyone about it.
I think that the worst thing in the world is when people feel that they are stupid and are not worthy of being treated like a human. I hate it when people attack other people's intellect. I hate it when people make fun of others that can't read. It makes my heart hurt, and makes me want to bawl for everyone who feels that they are nothing.
I just want to tell everyone that no matter how you grew up, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how hard life is, You are worth being treated like a human. You are worth living a long and happy life. You are worthy of finding love. You are all beautiful.
*Liz*
I honestly need to go back on some fucking meds...my mood swings are fucking insane! I just about threw my computer today because I was typing a classified ad for work and I couldn't read the person's handwriting. Can we say "psycho?" I mean imagine how fast they would fire me if I just threw a computer out of nowhere.
I am hopefully going to look at a car today. I really need a car. I am sick and tired of driving my parents borrowed ghetto van. Plus, they need it back anyway.
I feel bad for my parents. All they have ever known is people treating them like shit and being told they are stupid. They lost their jobs b/c the plant closed and now they are working at a gawd-awful place. My mom has carpal tunnel so severely and she uses her hands everyday to sand cabinets. She can barely hang on to anything anymore. It hurts her hands to much to grip a piece of paper, she just kinda rests it on her hand. WOW.
They think they are too stupid to get better jobs. They don't have enough money to take care of them selves physically and mentally. I just don't know what to do. I have spent my whole life worrying about them, and once I came to college and when I started to see shrinks they told me that part of my problem was worrying about my family, so just to focus on myself for once because I always demote myself to last.
Well I did that for about a year, and I feel like shit. I am such a bad daughter. I want to help them and I don't know how. My dad has been an asshole our whole lives, and now I realize that he and I have the same thing. We both are affected by severe depression and borderline personality disorder, but I can't help him. He can't/won't see anyone about it.
I think that the worst thing in the world is when people feel that they are stupid and are not worthy of being treated like a human. I hate it when people attack other people's intellect. I hate it when people make fun of others that can't read. It makes my heart hurt, and makes me want to bawl for everyone who feels that they are nothing.
I just want to tell everyone that no matter how you grew up, no matter who has hurt you, no matter how hard life is, You are worth being treated like a human. You are worth living a long and happy life. You are worthy of finding love. You are all beautiful.
*Liz*
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As for your post today, trust me, there's only so much you can do as an offspring. If you keep sacrificing, you'll end up with your parents a little better off, and you'll end up feeling trappend and resentful of them. Do what you can, let them know you're there for them, but don't sacrifice your personal life just for them. And yes, this is from personal experience.