liz_marie1222

Is me being in a steady relationship holding my boyfriend back from his sexual fantasies? I mean I actually feel bad for being with him because he is not able to fuck whoever he wants. Is this a fucked up view? We were talking about our sexual fantasies the other day and he would like to have sex with other races. So I wondered if being with me is better than being able to fulfill his sexual fantasies? And I honestly am wondering this.

Yeah I am so fucked up in the head lately. I need help and I don't know what to do anymore. I decided to kill myself last Friday, unfortunately I was stopped by my boyfriend and his friend and it took both of them to hold me down I was kicking and screaming and going nuts like a maniac. I feel as though I would be doing the world a huge favor by just killing myself and getting it over with. I mean I would set my man free which I am sure he is secretly pining for. My parents are sick of me being a fuck up. So I should just end it and they could stop worrying and being annoyed by the thoughts of me. My friends...well my friends, I am a quite annoying person anyway and thus I would also be doing them all a great favor by just doing away with myself. I know that I am not important enough to actually be doing the world a favor, but I feel like the ones closest to me would honestly be better off and would appreciate the favor in the long run.

So this is the battle going on in my mind. It is a debate and I am weighing both sides before I make my decision. I mean I obviously realize that if I do it there will be no future for me. I will not have the chance to have kids and grandkids and grow old and get married, etc. But would the people that would be affected by my future just be better off? For example my would be children might be better off not being born.

Ok off to watch a movie. I don't think I am going to any classes tomorrow. I truly am a lazy bum...