Wow.
So it's been about 18 months since I last posted and I cannot even begin to explain how different my life is! But I will give it a shot, this is the very very very broken down version of what's happened to me since my last post.......
Daniel refused to be my boyfriend so I got a new one-Kris...BIG MISTAKE!! He was just a friend who liked me waaay to much and i was so sad I let him take care of me for a while, but he fell madly in love with me and then Daniel realised what a dick he'd been and wanted me back. This went on for several months, I loved Daniel sooooo much but was terrified he would hurt me again. He swore he wouldnt so eventually we got back together.
Then 2 of my housemates decided to not like me anymore and we all fell out, ended up with them moving out and my friend dave moving in, which lead to a few months of fun getting high and playing computer games every day which i loved. I moved back home (nottingham) for the summer...the next day dave called and said the other housemates and himself had decided i could not live with them anymore as I couldnt afford the rent on the new house they wanted (which they lost out on anyway). I was pretty devastated, as I couldnt afford anywhere for daniel and I to live on our own in London so after spending a while looking I decided to transfer to Derby Uni and daniel and I could live in Nottingham.
I got a job in Monsoon for the summer and met this girl Helen. After looking at a few places we decided to ask helen to move in with us too so we could split the rent 3 ways. We found this really cool victorian terrace and moved in last September. We soon discovered Helen was a bit....odd. We wouldnt see her for days and she never ever hung out with us. So since september I've been travelling to and from derby every day which is long and expensive but it means i get to live with daniel.
THEN! Helen tells us shes moving out in march, so we are going to have to pay all the rent ourselves. And daniel starts acting weird, like he isnt really into me that much anymore. He's starts applying to all these universities around the country and doesnt seem phased that if he doesnt go to derby we will have to live away from each other for a year (a thought that sends me to tears everytime). I've been going away alot to london to visit my friends as i dont really have any here. I thought I could trust daniel enough while I was away but it turns out I was wrong. A couple of weeks back I found out he'd been seeing this woman from his college. this 30yr old married woman, with kids. Argh. Nothing really happened, but I was devastated. I still am. I just....if he'd gotten drunk and kissed her once it wouldn't be soo bad. I mean, shit happens. But it was the fact that while I was out at uni he was sneaking over to her house. I hate being made a fool of, I don't like feeling stupid. And loyalty means so much to me. He betrayed me, he broke my trust as well as my heart. He claims that he loves me more then anything but I don't think that is enough to make him not do things like this. I was ready to walk out....but I didnt. I have to give this another try, I cannot explain how much I love him. I hate being away from him for a few hours. He's my world. And I realise how pathetic this makes me sound. I hate myself for loving him so much.
So anyway, a few days later I hurt my knee while i was staying at daniels parents. I didnt do anything to it, i just couldnt walk on it. I went to the hospital, they took x-rays and said there was nothing wrong. i came home and it happened again so went to the hospital here and they were like...."hmm theres a huge piece of bone floating around in your knee joint. Let's get that out." two days later I was in surgery and a week later my leg looks like i'm a zombie
It's all greeny-yellow with awesome purple bruising and two gaping - still bleeding - holes on each side of my knee. It sucks, it hurts but has fueled my painkiller addiction to greater hights. A few days after my surgery daniel went to The Gambia with his college, he comes home tonight. I've missed him so so much and I'm hoping things will be better now.
I mean, I'm a good person. I'm the nicest person ever and yet I seem to have the worst luck in the world. I'm pretty sure I was like a child murderer or used to stomp on kittens in a previous existence. something awful to have worked up this much bad karma!!!!
But who knows, maybe my luck is changing. Some awesome nice -yet anonymous - person reactivated this account for me. And spring is in the air.....maybe-finally- my life is going to go according to plan.
So it's been about 18 months since I last posted and I cannot even begin to explain how different my life is! But I will give it a shot, this is the very very very broken down version of what's happened to me since my last post.......
Daniel refused to be my boyfriend so I got a new one-Kris...BIG MISTAKE!! He was just a friend who liked me waaay to much and i was so sad I let him take care of me for a while, but he fell madly in love with me and then Daniel realised what a dick he'd been and wanted me back. This went on for several months, I loved Daniel sooooo much but was terrified he would hurt me again. He swore he wouldnt so eventually we got back together.
Then 2 of my housemates decided to not like me anymore and we all fell out, ended up with them moving out and my friend dave moving in, which lead to a few months of fun getting high and playing computer games every day which i loved. I moved back home (nottingham) for the summer...the next day dave called and said the other housemates and himself had decided i could not live with them anymore as I couldnt afford the rent on the new house they wanted (which they lost out on anyway). I was pretty devastated, as I couldnt afford anywhere for daniel and I to live on our own in London so after spending a while looking I decided to transfer to Derby Uni and daniel and I could live in Nottingham.
I got a job in Monsoon for the summer and met this girl Helen. After looking at a few places we decided to ask helen to move in with us too so we could split the rent 3 ways. We found this really cool victorian terrace and moved in last September. We soon discovered Helen was a bit....odd. We wouldnt see her for days and she never ever hung out with us. So since september I've been travelling to and from derby every day which is long and expensive but it means i get to live with daniel.
THEN! Helen tells us shes moving out in march, so we are going to have to pay all the rent ourselves. And daniel starts acting weird, like he isnt really into me that much anymore. He's starts applying to all these universities around the country and doesnt seem phased that if he doesnt go to derby we will have to live away from each other for a year (a thought that sends me to tears everytime). I've been going away alot to london to visit my friends as i dont really have any here. I thought I could trust daniel enough while I was away but it turns out I was wrong. A couple of weeks back I found out he'd been seeing this woman from his college. this 30yr old married woman, with kids. Argh. Nothing really happened, but I was devastated. I still am. I just....if he'd gotten drunk and kissed her once it wouldn't be soo bad. I mean, shit happens. But it was the fact that while I was out at uni he was sneaking over to her house. I hate being made a fool of, I don't like feeling stupid. And loyalty means so much to me. He betrayed me, he broke my trust as well as my heart. He claims that he loves me more then anything but I don't think that is enough to make him not do things like this. I was ready to walk out....but I didnt. I have to give this another try, I cannot explain how much I love him. I hate being away from him for a few hours. He's my world. And I realise how pathetic this makes me sound. I hate myself for loving him so much.
So anyway, a few days later I hurt my knee while i was staying at daniels parents. I didnt do anything to it, i just couldnt walk on it. I went to the hospital, they took x-rays and said there was nothing wrong. i came home and it happened again so went to the hospital here and they were like...."hmm theres a huge piece of bone floating around in your knee joint. Let's get that out." two days later I was in surgery and a week later my leg looks like i'm a zombie
It's all greeny-yellow with awesome purple bruising and two gaping - still bleeding - holes on each side of my knee. It sucks, it hurts but has fueled my painkiller addiction to greater hights. A few days after my surgery daniel went to The Gambia with his college, he comes home tonight. I've missed him so so much and I'm hoping things will be better now.
I mean, I'm a good person. I'm the nicest person ever and yet I seem to have the worst luck in the world. I'm pretty sure I was like a child murderer or used to stomp on kittens in a previous existence. something awful to have worked up this much bad karma!!!!
But who knows, maybe my luck is changing. Some awesome nice -yet anonymous - person reactivated this account for me. And spring is in the air.....maybe-finally- my life is going to go according to plan.