livefastdieprett

Daniel told me it is over for good. Via MSN. The bastard. I found out he has been contempleting this for a long time, and did everything in his power to get me to break up with him so he could get away guilt free. I told him it would have been better in the long run if he had broken up with me back then, as maybe i would not be in quite the state I am now. I cried for a long time, and every time i am away from prying eyes i cry again. I hate this, I love him and he loves me, but not enough to be with me. And he has my friends, he still lives with them, he has support to get over this, coz i know he feels bad. He resents me for the instinctive protectiveness the gang have over me, but at the end of the day its him out at the pub getting over me while I am stuck in Nottingham with NOBODY. I go back to London on saturday, i am kinda glad. I dont think I can even start to get over this until I can go out, have fun. See that there is a life without him. Not that I am going to get away from him.....oh no. The main problem I have is that although I have alot of friends, the only person I can be my total self with is him, I cant let my guard down with others. I always have to be the strong one, the one they can rely on. Not many of them have seen my cry, and I can see how hard it is for them when they do. So I need him in my life, the same way he needs me. To talk to everyday, chat about random shit. Do things together. Which will be fine until the day he meets someone else and begins to phase me out of his life. God....the thought of him even touching anyone else makes me physically sick. I honestly thought he was the one. He understands me better then anyone else, I was with him for 3 1/2 years and after all this time my heart still beats faster when I see him, I get butterflies when he touches me and I go weak when he kisses me. All my waking thoughts are of him, and when i am asleep he is in my dreams. And he loves me.


But just not enough.