Sometimes a good vent is just necessary. Ive been writing a lot lately and Im just taking all my frustrations and trying to document them as best as I can
So what. Maybe I am a snob.
I am compelled to blog this. While the following information, to me, is common sense, common courtesy, basic manners and respect. I am always shocked to see just how many people are not aware of these essential rules of etiquette.
I post this not because I think my friends need this information. I post these details in hopes that someone in need might just stumble across this page.
Dining out Etiquette according to Jolene.
The beginning. You sit at your table and you are about to meet meget off the damn phone. If Im youre server and I see that you are on the phone I will not even approach you. Dont put your finger up and expect me to wait for you to complete your conversation. It wont happen. I dont care who you are! (Were all important you know!)
When I say, Hi, how are you? DO NOT respond with, Iced tea, coffee or whatever it is that youd like to drink. This is America and while I agree with my Dutch friends that its not the most sincere of greetings; its what we say and it warrants a response, some examples are, Fine, thank you. May I please have and iced tea? or Im well thank you. May I please have a coffee with cream What not to say, I need or I want or Give me.
If you dare to order something that is not on the menu or a creation of your own be gracious and patient. I can probably do this for you but its going to take some extra effort (typing in modifiers to communicate your order properly can take some time). If you dont like your recipe, TOO BAD. Dont even think about returning it to the kitchen. Consider yourself warned. Next time, order from the menu.
If youre gluttonous, thirsty, nervous or whatever and youre gulping down your diet coke or iced tea please be patient for your refills. I see your glass. Im going to refill it so there is no need to point at your glass or raise it above your head to get my attention when you see that Im at another table assisting another guest. And just so you know, if you consume 3 glasses of Coca Cola thats about 600 empty calories. Just a thought.
Dont call me sweetheart or baby cakes and DO NOT touch me. Not my arm or my hand or my back and if you dont want to be slapped DO NOT TOUCH MY BOOTY! Miss is fine. Jolene is fine. Lady,Woman, and Waitress are no-nos.
Ladies first. Men, let your date order first. If youre old school you will ask her what she wants and order it for her. This is charming. Although if your date is anything like me (control freak) its ok to let her order her non-fat cappuccino, steamed veggies (NO BUTTER), salad (DRESSING ON THE SIDE) and low sodium soy sauce. She ordered first. She is served first. She is a lady. Thats the way it is.
Wine service. Take pride in your selection. DO NOT SMELL THE CORK!!! Just feel it and make sure its moist. If you smell the cork this tells me (and your date) that you know nothing about wine. If you order a bottle of White Zinfandel do us both a favor and just ask me to pour. Dont bother doing the taste. White Zin to me, might as well be Boones Farms. Ok so I do admit to having a glass on a hot summer day but a BOTTLE. Come on! Ask me what will compliment a bottle of White Zin and I will say, absolutely nothing or I might just laugh
If you even suggest that you will Take care of me or mention to me that you will be leaving me a big fat tip I already know that you will in fact, NOT be leaving me a big fat tip. Chances are you will leave 10%. You are a loser. In my years of experience this is ALWAYS THE CASE.
DONT BE RUDE TO ME! I am your server. I am in charge of your food! I have never and will never do anything inappropriate with your food but just because I wont doesnt mean that another server out there wont. Trust me. Ive heard thingsand theyre not nice.
If you order extra this or extra that just assume that you will be charged EXTRA. Dont throw a hissy fit when your bill comes. Dont tell me how the last time you were here that so and so didnt charge you or at the other location they dont charge you. IM JUST DOING MY JOB. THIS IS BUSINESS, NOT A SOUP KITCHEN! My suggestion is to go to the other location when so and so is working.
Under no circumstances should you leave any sort of religious literature with, or God forbid, AS my tip. I have my own beliefs dont go pushing yours on me. Damn it!
So what. Maybe I am a snob.
I am compelled to blog this. While the following information, to me, is common sense, common courtesy, basic manners and respect. I am always shocked to see just how many people are not aware of these essential rules of etiquette.
I post this not because I think my friends need this information. I post these details in hopes that someone in need might just stumble across this page.
Dining out Etiquette according to Jolene.
The beginning. You sit at your table and you are about to meet meget off the damn phone. If Im youre server and I see that you are on the phone I will not even approach you. Dont put your finger up and expect me to wait for you to complete your conversation. It wont happen. I dont care who you are! (Were all important you know!)
When I say, Hi, how are you? DO NOT respond with, Iced tea, coffee or whatever it is that youd like to drink. This is America and while I agree with my Dutch friends that its not the most sincere of greetings; its what we say and it warrants a response, some examples are, Fine, thank you. May I please have and iced tea? or Im well thank you. May I please have a coffee with cream What not to say, I need or I want or Give me.
If you dare to order something that is not on the menu or a creation of your own be gracious and patient. I can probably do this for you but its going to take some extra effort (typing in modifiers to communicate your order properly can take some time). If you dont like your recipe, TOO BAD. Dont even think about returning it to the kitchen. Consider yourself warned. Next time, order from the menu.
If youre gluttonous, thirsty, nervous or whatever and youre gulping down your diet coke or iced tea please be patient for your refills. I see your glass. Im going to refill it so there is no need to point at your glass or raise it above your head to get my attention when you see that Im at another table assisting another guest. And just so you know, if you consume 3 glasses of Coca Cola thats about 600 empty calories. Just a thought.
Dont call me sweetheart or baby cakes and DO NOT touch me. Not my arm or my hand or my back and if you dont want to be slapped DO NOT TOUCH MY BOOTY! Miss is fine. Jolene is fine. Lady,Woman, and Waitress are no-nos.
Ladies first. Men, let your date order first. If youre old school you will ask her what she wants and order it for her. This is charming. Although if your date is anything like me (control freak) its ok to let her order her non-fat cappuccino, steamed veggies (NO BUTTER), salad (DRESSING ON THE SIDE) and low sodium soy sauce. She ordered first. She is served first. She is a lady. Thats the way it is.
Wine service. Take pride in your selection. DO NOT SMELL THE CORK!!! Just feel it and make sure its moist. If you smell the cork this tells me (and your date) that you know nothing about wine. If you order a bottle of White Zinfandel do us both a favor and just ask me to pour. Dont bother doing the taste. White Zin to me, might as well be Boones Farms. Ok so I do admit to having a glass on a hot summer day but a BOTTLE. Come on! Ask me what will compliment a bottle of White Zin and I will say, absolutely nothing or I might just laugh
If you even suggest that you will Take care of me or mention to me that you will be leaving me a big fat tip I already know that you will in fact, NOT be leaving me a big fat tip. Chances are you will leave 10%. You are a loser. In my years of experience this is ALWAYS THE CASE.
DONT BE RUDE TO ME! I am your server. I am in charge of your food! I have never and will never do anything inappropriate with your food but just because I wont doesnt mean that another server out there wont. Trust me. Ive heard thingsand theyre not nice.
If you order extra this or extra that just assume that you will be charged EXTRA. Dont throw a hissy fit when your bill comes. Dont tell me how the last time you were here that so and so didnt charge you or at the other location they dont charge you. IM JUST DOING MY JOB. THIS IS BUSINESS, NOT A SOUP KITCHEN! My suggestion is to go to the other location when so and so is working.
Under no circumstances should you leave any sort of religious literature with, or God forbid, AS my tip. I have my own beliefs dont go pushing yours on me. Damn it!
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
i'm guessing what you have in your hands is the same thing that i am holding in my hands!!!