rainy days & mondays
I can taste it.
Good morning. Here I sit. Messy mussed up bed head. Tired sleepy eyes. Black long johns, big ol black socks, pink long sleeved shirt. Glasses. Very good coffee. Auditory pleasure. Cocteau twins. Out the window. Cold, rainy day-once again.
The dream I had in the few hours I was allowed to sleep was a bit disturbing. Tsunami aftermath-in California, in the hills. I saw a dead Irish Setter. I saw a dead man and in my dream had a hallucination that he awoke and scolded his also dead children. Bizarre.
I cant understand why Im writing. I can barely focus as Im not yet awake. I had a long and exciting meeting with my editor Jodi last night. We did the final image edit. Its really coming along. I had no idea a book project such as this could take so long. I am so fucking lucky to be working with Jodi & Adam. Really fucking lucky. Im nervous. I have never put myself out there as an artist and I never thought I would expose the most difficult and embarrassing time of my life. But lookieIm doing it. Its going to be interesting. Despite my blogs and whatnotIm really kind of private in a lot of ways and seriously reclusive. This life is strange. WellI guess whats strange is that I will be critiqued and criticized for words that I wrote years ago. Words which were never meant to be read by anyone except for my one person. Soyes, some people will (and already have) accuse me of being an opportunist etc. Ive been accused of using Ogres to make lots of money. This is especially funny because in the book world, you need to be someone like uhthat Harry Potter chica or Clive Barker. Book publishing is not what you do if you want to be rich. Its a really hard thing to do and you do not do it to make money. You do it for the love of art and writing and of course there needs to be a market and of course you want to sell it. Its an expensive endeavor. In fact, Im not even self-publishing but last year pretty much wiped me out. I made less money last year than I have in years. Oh yesand Im also preparing to be called self-absorbed but well, cant deny that one now can I? What can I say? Im a documentarian so to speak.
Please dont laugh at me but I feel sad about Jennifer & Brad separating. Absured, I know. I could have cared less when Ben & Jen broke but these two. It makes me sad and I think its because from the outside they looked so happy and meant to be and gave the illusion of everlasting romantic love. I actually do not believe in everlasting romantic love. I dont. I believe that you can love eternally but on different levels. Love is hard.
I must away
I can taste it.
Good morning. Here I sit. Messy mussed up bed head. Tired sleepy eyes. Black long johns, big ol black socks, pink long sleeved shirt. Glasses. Very good coffee. Auditory pleasure. Cocteau twins. Out the window. Cold, rainy day-once again.
The dream I had in the few hours I was allowed to sleep was a bit disturbing. Tsunami aftermath-in California, in the hills. I saw a dead Irish Setter. I saw a dead man and in my dream had a hallucination that he awoke and scolded his also dead children. Bizarre.
I cant understand why Im writing. I can barely focus as Im not yet awake. I had a long and exciting meeting with my editor Jodi last night. We did the final image edit. Its really coming along. I had no idea a book project such as this could take so long. I am so fucking lucky to be working with Jodi & Adam. Really fucking lucky. Im nervous. I have never put myself out there as an artist and I never thought I would expose the most difficult and embarrassing time of my life. But lookieIm doing it. Its going to be interesting. Despite my blogs and whatnotIm really kind of private in a lot of ways and seriously reclusive. This life is strange. WellI guess whats strange is that I will be critiqued and criticized for words that I wrote years ago. Words which were never meant to be read by anyone except for my one person. Soyes, some people will (and already have) accuse me of being an opportunist etc. Ive been accused of using Ogres to make lots of money. This is especially funny because in the book world, you need to be someone like uhthat Harry Potter chica or Clive Barker. Book publishing is not what you do if you want to be rich. Its a really hard thing to do and you do not do it to make money. You do it for the love of art and writing and of course there needs to be a market and of course you want to sell it. Its an expensive endeavor. In fact, Im not even self-publishing but last year pretty much wiped me out. I made less money last year than I have in years. Oh yesand Im also preparing to be called self-absorbed but well, cant deny that one now can I? What can I say? Im a documentarian so to speak.
Please dont laugh at me but I feel sad about Jennifer & Brad separating. Absured, I know. I could have cared less when Ben & Jen broke but these two. It makes me sad and I think its because from the outside they looked so happy and meant to be and gave the illusion of everlasting romantic love. I actually do not believe in everlasting romantic love. I dont. I believe that you can love eternally but on different levels. Love is hard.
I must away
And the book sounds great. DO NOT do the following:
*listen to criticism (its opinion)
*be afraid of putting your self out there
*tell the naysayers to fuck off
You are talented, smart, FUNNY as all hell and cuter and 99.9% of all the girls I know. You got it going on and this book is gonna kick ass. Bedhead or no bedhead.
Word.