Planet Sad.
Death is a part of life. I realize this. People live then people die. Tragedy happens. Thats life. I know, but why so morbid? Why so very tragic? Why cant I stop looking at the disturbing & disrespectful (in my opinion) images in the newspaper? Corpses. Lots of corpses and I cannot stop looking.
Why do I care so much that some people out there will never have closure with a loved one whose body will never be found? Why do I care that this event will stain their hearts & souls? I do. I care.
I do this cheesy thing all the time. When I have lots of happy good energy I send it out to the world. When Im feeling down I open myself to the good energy that is out there. Its all I can do. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter.
**********
So, I kind of lucked out and was not scheduled to work today or tomorrow. Maricella works 2 jobs. Shes working tonight at one place & early tomorrow morning. She mentioned the fact that I have tomorrow off and I told her that I did indeed feel lucky. Because I can sometimes be passive/aggressive I became defensive. I told her that Im sorry that I could not pick up her shift. She asked if I asked for the day off. I told her no, I did not. She said shes been there for years and has never had the day off. I asked her why she didnt request it. She said that she doesnt like to ask for things. Well, true, asking for things can sometimes label you as high-maintenance or demanding however you cant really expect something unless you do ask. I found myself feeling guilty for having the day off. The truth is that I need the money but this is my life and this is my year. Its important to me the way I choose to end 2004 & to begin 2005. Its a spiritual thing. I certainly do not want to spend the first day of 2005 buttering toast & filling coffee. Cant and wont. I would just be bitter & unhappy and it would ultimately not be a good start for a new year. Im doing an energy switch and this is where it starts.
On that note I spoke to my manager. I told her that I dont want to work breakfast. She was irritated. I told her Id like to switch to nights when there is an opening. She told me there is not one, then she went on about when she hired me almost 5 months ago that she hired me for days & that I said I wanted nights. I told her that initially I did want to work days but I tried it out and I dont like it. She told me that she doesnt want to hire people who change their minds. I told her as politely as I could that that is life. People change their minds. People go to college and switch majors. People get married, then get divorced. Thats life. She did not like that. She is very controlling. Oh well. I said, I dont want to work breakfast. She said, Ok. I know that look that remained on her face. I know she will cut my shifts. She will try to make me suffer. I honestly dont care. The times in my life when things turned in a direction that I wanted happened when I took risks. If you want something, you kind of do have to ask for it. People cannot read your mind. Most of the time, anyway.
Simon is somewhere in Thailand. Im kind of worried about him but I know that he was in the air when the tsunami occurred. I hope so anyway. Shit.
Sending good energy today. I have some extra.
Get some.
*~* ~*~*
Death is a part of life. I realize this. People live then people die. Tragedy happens. Thats life. I know, but why so morbid? Why so very tragic? Why cant I stop looking at the disturbing & disrespectful (in my opinion) images in the newspaper? Corpses. Lots of corpses and I cannot stop looking.
Why do I care so much that some people out there will never have closure with a loved one whose body will never be found? Why do I care that this event will stain their hearts & souls? I do. I care.
I do this cheesy thing all the time. When I have lots of happy good energy I send it out to the world. When Im feeling down I open myself to the good energy that is out there. Its all I can do. Mind over matter. Mind over matter. Mind over matter.
**********
So, I kind of lucked out and was not scheduled to work today or tomorrow. Maricella works 2 jobs. Shes working tonight at one place & early tomorrow morning. She mentioned the fact that I have tomorrow off and I told her that I did indeed feel lucky. Because I can sometimes be passive/aggressive I became defensive. I told her that Im sorry that I could not pick up her shift. She asked if I asked for the day off. I told her no, I did not. She said shes been there for years and has never had the day off. I asked her why she didnt request it. She said that she doesnt like to ask for things. Well, true, asking for things can sometimes label you as high-maintenance or demanding however you cant really expect something unless you do ask. I found myself feeling guilty for having the day off. The truth is that I need the money but this is my life and this is my year. Its important to me the way I choose to end 2004 & to begin 2005. Its a spiritual thing. I certainly do not want to spend the first day of 2005 buttering toast & filling coffee. Cant and wont. I would just be bitter & unhappy and it would ultimately not be a good start for a new year. Im doing an energy switch and this is where it starts.
On that note I spoke to my manager. I told her that I dont want to work breakfast. She was irritated. I told her Id like to switch to nights when there is an opening. She told me there is not one, then she went on about when she hired me almost 5 months ago that she hired me for days & that I said I wanted nights. I told her that initially I did want to work days but I tried it out and I dont like it. She told me that she doesnt want to hire people who change their minds. I told her as politely as I could that that is life. People change their minds. People go to college and switch majors. People get married, then get divorced. Thats life. She did not like that. She is very controlling. Oh well. I said, I dont want to work breakfast. She said, Ok. I know that look that remained on her face. I know she will cut my shifts. She will try to make me suffer. I honestly dont care. The times in my life when things turned in a direction that I wanted happened when I took risks. If you want something, you kind of do have to ask for it. People cannot read your mind. Most of the time, anyway.
Simon is somewhere in Thailand. Im kind of worried about him but I know that he was in the air when the tsunami occurred. I hope so anyway. Shit.
Sending good energy today. I have some extra.
Get some.
*~* ~*~*
poeto:
happy new year. the day job is hell but you're a really interesting writer (took a look at goaskogre.com). somebody should pay you to write books.
poeto:
Yes!