littleredwriter

June 25, 2006

Today Im gonna piggyback on your happiness.
Im gonna act as if Im happy like you, and that I have a nice home to go to with a queen sized bed in the master bedroom. A queen bed just like the bed that I have in Los Angeles. The bed that is still my bed, but that someone else is sleeping in and loving on. The bed which sits in a room that holds memories that can bring tears to my eyesof all night cuddles and getting to know each other better and the walls that saw the last time that I had sex with my ex-boyfriend when I finally realized that I was just not into it anymore. After seven years, I finally realized That was the room that is connected to the kitchen where Whooli said, Im going to lay in your bed and he held me and as the Cocteau Twins soaked my eardrums just as the rain had earlier that evening when we got caught in the storm and held hands as we ran and that was also the night I think I ruined my pink and black Vans.

Did you know that when you smiled at me that you were giving me the key to some joy? Such a simple thing that could give me a smidgen of security and hope. To think that the candles that surround us remind me of the candles in my own comfort zone on the night I had a party when my little guesthouse was filled with love and good energy and uncertainty. A night when I was unaware of just how much I would miss thatYou have no idea.

Im depending on your happiness because if I notice your smile fade it might remind me that Im 3000 miles away from familiarity and security and that I dont have a home and that I dont have my car and that Im couch hopping and that I dont have place to be sad if I feel like being sad because no one wants to be close to someone who is sadYou know that, right?

So yeah, you really need to keep on smiling for me. Please. And I promise that one day I will be smiling and happy and full of the best vibrant energy and you will need that. Youre gonna piggyback on my happiness and it will be my pleasure to allow you to do so.