Today's attempt at narrative was inspired by the skillful writings of my newest friend, the lovely and talented Miss Zeus. Thank you for the inspiration, Doll. Before you read my unworthy scrawl, be sure to check her out...
Yesterday, I saw LoveBug - a day later than originally planned. She claimed she "forgot". I told her "we don't forget that which is important to us, only that which we don't wish to remember". A colossal fight ensued, ending with me acting like a complete asshole - storming out and speeding away in my pickup truck, tires squealing. LoveBug is a gentle, meek person of very small stature. I knew damn well I would scare the hell out of her, but I did it anyway. Later, I felt such shame.
From that, I drove directly to Berkeley, where Bears was waiting for me inside the UA7 movie theatre. I got there just as the movie was starting - after the previews! So yet again, I felt like shit for ruining the day of someone I love.
The movie, To Kill a Mockingbird, was one of the most amazing movies that I have seen in a long time. In fact, as soon as I am done with this blog, I am going to update my profile to reflect its' standing in my 'top 10 movies of all time'.
I think the events of the day, though, had a lot to do with my perception of the film. LoveBug and I share a common love and appreciation for things of beauty and inspiration -- that's the main reason we have (had) such a connection. But truthfully, that's not a quality that I had before I met her. I always had a recognition for such things, but it was a cold and detached appreciation. An appreciation fitting of an academic or critic. When I met LoveBug though, I was captivated by her ability to be moved by what she admired. She taught me how to "feel", not just to "observe." I'll forever be in her debt for that.
If I can't salvage this friendship though, I will also always be cursed by it. Now, every time I see a thing of beauty, the first thing I think of is: 'I wish LoveBug were here to see this'. I am, at once, moved and inspired, while also being instantly driven to despair, knowing that I can't share the moment with her. I get lost in the realization that my eyes will never see what my imagination sees: her face light up with radiance and wonder. Instantly, I go from joy to melancholy. I've noticed Bears does this too (though with her, it usually finds expression as irritation and annoyance, as opposed to longing and sadness!). Frequently, Bears says things like "LoveBug would approve", or "too bad LoveBug isn't here..."
This is the hex she has cast upon me.
Today, I didn't get out of bed. When I couldn't sleep anymore, I rolled over to get my phone (I had turned the ringer off, because I knew Bears would be calling me to harass me for moping about all day. LoveBug had sent me a text asking for my help with an unrelated matter. I was in the process of texting her back (both to thank her for asking, as well as to begin the process of apologizing), when she called me. The ringer was still off, so if I hadn't been sending her a message at that particular moment, I would have missed her -- and she never leaves messages for me anymore. A striking coincidence...
She called me to (gently) berate me over my performance of the previous day. While I was sorely tempted, I did the right thing, and fully owned up to what a jackass I had been, and refrained from mounting any sort of defense. In my mind, I kept thinking: "what would Atticus Finch do?"
This is the gift she has bestowed upon me...
LittleK15
Yesterday, I saw LoveBug - a day later than originally planned. She claimed she "forgot". I told her "we don't forget that which is important to us, only that which we don't wish to remember". A colossal fight ensued, ending with me acting like a complete asshole - storming out and speeding away in my pickup truck, tires squealing. LoveBug is a gentle, meek person of very small stature. I knew damn well I would scare the hell out of her, but I did it anyway. Later, I felt such shame.
From that, I drove directly to Berkeley, where Bears was waiting for me inside the UA7 movie theatre. I got there just as the movie was starting - after the previews! So yet again, I felt like shit for ruining the day of someone I love.
The movie, To Kill a Mockingbird, was one of the most amazing movies that I have seen in a long time. In fact, as soon as I am done with this blog, I am going to update my profile to reflect its' standing in my 'top 10 movies of all time'.
I think the events of the day, though, had a lot to do with my perception of the film. LoveBug and I share a common love and appreciation for things of beauty and inspiration -- that's the main reason we have (had) such a connection. But truthfully, that's not a quality that I had before I met her. I always had a recognition for such things, but it was a cold and detached appreciation. An appreciation fitting of an academic or critic. When I met LoveBug though, I was captivated by her ability to be moved by what she admired. She taught me how to "feel", not just to "observe." I'll forever be in her debt for that.
If I can't salvage this friendship though, I will also always be cursed by it. Now, every time I see a thing of beauty, the first thing I think of is: 'I wish LoveBug were here to see this'. I am, at once, moved and inspired, while also being instantly driven to despair, knowing that I can't share the moment with her. I get lost in the realization that my eyes will never see what my imagination sees: her face light up with radiance and wonder. Instantly, I go from joy to melancholy. I've noticed Bears does this too (though with her, it usually finds expression as irritation and annoyance, as opposed to longing and sadness!). Frequently, Bears says things like "LoveBug would approve", or "too bad LoveBug isn't here..."
This is the hex she has cast upon me.
Today, I didn't get out of bed. When I couldn't sleep anymore, I rolled over to get my phone (I had turned the ringer off, because I knew Bears would be calling me to harass me for moping about all day. LoveBug had sent me a text asking for my help with an unrelated matter. I was in the process of texting her back (both to thank her for asking, as well as to begin the process of apologizing), when she called me. The ringer was still off, so if I hadn't been sending her a message at that particular moment, I would have missed her -- and she never leaves messages for me anymore. A striking coincidence...
She called me to (gently) berate me over my performance of the previous day. While I was sorely tempted, I did the right thing, and fully owned up to what a jackass I had been, and refrained from mounting any sort of defense. In my mind, I kept thinking: "what would Atticus Finch do?"
This is the gift she has bestowed upon me...
LittleK15
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
muneca:
The move to florida is still on! were set for august ...your blogs are interesting
muneca:
The move to florida is still on! were set for august ...your blogs are interesting