littlek15

Around Christmas time, LoveBug called and told me that she found a lump in her breast. I totally freaked out. It turned out to be nothing, but she didn't make it a priority to let me know, which made for an unnecessarily long wait. I needed something to hang on to, so I dreamed up a story. I thought I'd try to write it down before I forgot it completely. Sorry, it's a little 'Harlequiny'...

A woman tries again to feed a dollar into the candy machine. It's the middle of the night, and she looks like she's been up for days. A gentleman approaches.

"Hello Ismat," he says softly.

The woman turns to look at him, there's a vague sense of alarm in her face. "You're not supposed to be here," she says impatiently.

"I need to see her," he replies.

"Youre lucky, she just left - poor dear."

"I know, I saw her drive away. How's she holding up?"

"It's hard on her; she's been sleeping in the room the last couple of nights. It won't be long now. I convinced her to go home anyway and get some proper sleep," she said, not really knowing if she had done the right thing or not.

"She talks about you whenever they're not around. She's really sorry it has to be this way." Ismat seemed to go to a far-away place for a while before adding; "I'll take you up there. Don't be surprised though if it gets cut short." She turned and started towards the elevator, with the gentleman falling into step close behind.

Walking into the room, hed hoped she might be asleep and he could just sit there for a while, but like so many things lately, it didn't turn out that way. Quickly, he tried to take it all in before she noticed that he had entered. She was rail thin, her skin splotchy. Oxygen poured from a tube under her nose, and nearby, an IV quickly dripped while the heart monitor next to it slowly, softly beeped. She was still as beautiful as ever, he thought to himself in the moments before she turned her head.

Looking at him, she quickly covered her face and started to cry. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, as he took her other hand. He sat at her bedside holding her hand as she sobbed. Eventually, like all female cancer victims, she ran her free hand over her nearly bald head, and feigned a blush. "You shouldn't be seeing me like this, I must look a fright!" She said, disingenuously. She knew he didn't care. It made her laugh, as her thin lips pursed into a tight smile. "I know what you're going to say, so don't lie to me!" she joked, laughing some more.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

Ignoring his question, she whispered "I'm sorry it had to be this way, really I am. I've missed you sooo much! But I can't risk having The Cub's last memory of her mom being of a woman who cheated on her dad for years, and then left her to finish growing up all alone." She started to cry again as she turned her head away. "You shouldn't be here!" she said in a barely intelligible voice, as she sobbed uncontrollably.

"I know, Sweetheart," he said softly. "I know. Adding Ismat is standing guard for us outside, she'll let us know if anyone else shows up." He fell silent for a while before he picked up where he left off: "I saw her getting into her car before I came up. She looks more and more like you every day. So beautiful - just like her mother, he said for the billionth time. I love you."

They chatted for a while, sometimes getting dangerously close to arguing. He wished he could stay there with her until it was time, but he knew that wasn't an option - might as well get to the point before the nurse came and chased him away. "I've come to tell you that you don't have to be scared. When that machine stops beeping, I'll be waiting for you."

Not getting his gist, she said "You're gonna get caught if you keep spying on everyone out in that parking lot. I know you've been out there for like a week! You're gonna get me in trouble!"

He pressed on. "I'm gonna be waiting for you up on our Mountain. I've packed a picnic, and I have our special blanket, and I'll be waiting for you." He smiled and looked into her eyes, searching for a sign of recognition.

Slowly, it came. First, there was happiness, then, there was alarm. "What are you talking about? You're not going anywhere. You don't even believe in God, how are you going to meet me on the Mountain? Don't be daft!" she exclaimed. "Besides, I won't let you."

Anticipating this, he took a prescription pill bottle out of his pocket. "I said that theres no proof that theres a God, and I reserve the right to change my mind if evidence turns up to the contrary, he corrected her. Now, I hereby exercise that right! he added, deceitfully. "Besides, it's already too late!" he declared, lying again. With that, he revealed the pill bottle and shook it to show her that it was empty. "I promised you that I would never leave you alone, or let you be afraid. Hopefully, it will be a long time before Cub and 'What's-His-Name' show up, and I know that scares you. You are going to need someone to look after you while you wait; so like I said, I'll be waiting there for you up on the Mountain where we first laid down together - in our spot. We'll drink some - nonalcoholic - champagne, listen to some music, and it'll be Just you 'n me, Kid!"

"You can't," she said with despair.

"I already have," he lied again.

"I hate you!" she huffed, repeating her favorite fib. She knew him well. She knew he had stayed away after she announced she was sick. She knew he was always watching her, even though she told him she didnt want to see him. He was always there in the background, waiting to catch her fall. She had been trying for years to pull away from him, to go back to her family. But she knew she couldn't, and she knew he wouldn't let her anyway. Now he was pulling this stunt - she wasn't surprised. He always spoiled her rotten, no matter what it took. There was no point in arguing about it. I hate you! she repeated.

"I know you do," came his standard reply. He kissed her. "I want you to close your eyes now and go to sleep," he said with a growing lump in his throat.

She wanted to argue anyway, but she couldn't think of what to say. This was so stupid and selfish of him. How typical! she thought. Then, "What are you going to do when 'He' gets there? Or The Cub?" she demanded defiantly - already knowing the answer to her own question. This was just plain stupid and reckless. Why did she love this guy so much? 'He's such a romantic idiot!' she thought!

"I'll do what I've always done," he proffered reassuringly. "Now, unless you want me to get on with my plan right here, you need to close your eyes and go to sleep so that I can get out of here!"

When she met him she had been on the precipice, and he had talked her away from the edge. Ever since then, he's always been there for her, even though she couldn't satisfy him. Her guilt caused her to treat him cruelly, but still he was always there. She'd tell him to go get a life, but she knew she was his life. Since long age, she wouldn't sleep with him anymore. Yet, she'd always become impossible if he so much as mentioned another woman - he never seemed to mind though.

Now they had come full circle, and he was standing there holding her hand, encouraging her to jump with him, and promising to catch her. It all made perfect sense. Suddenly, she felt calm. Giving in, she closed her eyes -just for a minute. Without meaning to, she was asleep.

He sat there for a while, watching as her chest rose and fell, almost imperceptibly. Even though he knew it was silly, he tried to memorize everything about her. She was so perfect. He thought of kissing her again, but thought better of it. He took an engraved stopwatch out of his pocket that she had given him once, placed it on the dresser next to the bed, and silently slipped out of the room. Outside the door, Ismat had fallen asleep. Just as well. He went downstairs, crossed the parking lot to his car, and drove away.

Arriving at the park, he efficiently gathered his gear and prepared to start heading up the trail. It was just beginning to get light, but the trailhead would still be a little tricky, so he just left the headlights on. As the trail started upwards, he smiled, as he remembered how she had gripped his hand so tightly all those years ago. She was terrified of heights, but she trusted him implicitly, even though they had really just met. That was the beginning, and now this was the end. He quickened his pace.

The 'Mountain' was more like an overgrown hill, but he was still winded as he arrived at the top. The sun would be coming up soon, just like before. He laid out the blanket and put the picnic basket on it. He put on some music: "This is Heaven to Me", by Billie Holiday. They both had terrible singing voices, but they never cared about that. Every date had to include a duet of this song.

He took out a bottle of sparkling cider and a couple of glasses. He had always hated this shit, but every time she came over to his place, she would always slip out of bed and into one of his shirts, sneak away to the kitchen and pour all of his alcohol down the drain; before coming back to bed and demanding he go get her a glass of champagne. Sure enough, when he'd get to the refrigerator, all his expensive wine and such would be gone, and there would be a bottle of this crap! He laughed out loud. Sitting down and took out some pictures of her.

He knew that what he was about to do was totally pointless - he had already accomplished his mission at the hospital. Still, this story was over, and it didn't seem worth it to start another one - best to close the book and disappear before he could forget all of the details.

He pulled a knife out of the picnic basket. He wasn't really sure how much force it would take to penetrate his peritoneum - best to use two hands. He had no regrets, and so he wasn't afraid, even though he fully expected Time to erase every trace of him after the blackness enveloped. He reminded himself of that one more time - just in case. He plunged the knife into his chest, but instead of piercing his heart, the blade got lodged in one of his ribs. The pain was far more than he imagined, and he cried out. He was sure the blade was stuck in the bone, so he dare not move. He sat there, his hands still gripping the handle.

'Crap! Now what?" he thought. But almost immediately, he knew it was best not to start contemplating that question. His heart was racing, and he had been holding his breath, afraid to breathe with the knife still in his rib. He couldn't wait; he'd have to just do it. He pulled hard on the blade, and was surprised when it didn't offer any resistance. He could see a small amount of blood running down the groove along its length. Before he had a chance to start second guessing himself, he closed his eyes and stabbed himself again - this time, hitting his target. He tried to gasp, but couldn't. He could feel his blood gushing out over his fists. A ringing started in his ears, building up quickly. He was surprised how fast he was loosing consciousness. He remembered her picture sitting on his knee and decided to open his eyes and look at her one last time. Too late. His fingers loosened their grip, his jaw slackened. As Billie Holiday sang her final notes, his story came to an end.

Back on the sixth floor, she opened her eyes and looked around. Disappointment. Still, it didn't matter. She would wait for everyone to come back to her bedside and say goodbye, and then she would close her eyes and go to him. She knew he was waiting for her - just like he had always done. She smiled.


LittleK15