Wednesday Jul 27, 2005

0
Okay i've had it i wish i could rip my heart from my being but even when i do i can still feel it beating in my chest cavity. I lose faith in men, women and trans people everyday. Someone tell me why i cannot stop these biological urges to find the right person to spend my life with. The game is always up before it starts regected for one reason or another it all seems to run together. I just wish it would stop and let me be at peace. I'm happy for those of you who have found love or know what you are looking for because i cannot even see myself with someone and yet these cursed feelings never seem to fade away. The story is always the same people only want you for one night and after that you are worth no more than used toilet paper. I just would like my heart to give me peace and quiet away from "ooo that looks like a good partner"
autopsy:
Hey gorgeous, haven't popped in for ages, your entry on the 18th is intense, is everything cool now? I've seen the last two pieces in that journal but the 1st one I hadn't and its incredible, as is what I know of you so far.
Sounds like you're having emotionally challenging stuff going on, sorry to hear. "Someone tell me why i cannot stop these biological urges to find the right person to spend my life with"- its so true that people feel some sense of urgency to be with someone in this construct. There are some other cultures where fucking yourself and being in a type of union with yourself is in fact a more evolved way of being, in that you have self sufficiency in your personal agency and that every interaction you have is an interdependant relationship anyway. But all this sounds good in theory... stuff with love can be confronting when people are abusive of who you are, makes me angry that people have treated you like you are discardible.
You are...in the words of Blondie...Atomic
and you only deserve someone who will honour your fine self, let me know how you're going grrl kiss

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