I'm going to start from the very beginning. I apologise for how lengthy this blog gets, but I really want to share every detail with you.
One year ago on instagram @blackheartburlesque posted a notice that they were looking for opening acts in my city. I thought, "Hey Im not a burlesque dancer, but what the hell, why not." All I commented was, "I'm just a pole dancer , but i would open for you guys." I heard nothing back, but that was totally fine. This kickass burlesque troup opened, I thought they were great and that was that.
Fast forward to one year later (about 2 months ago) I'm at work, checking my instagram between clients. I notice i have a comment on one of my pictures from none other than @liryc. First off, can you say FANGIRL ALERT! The comment wrote "hey, are you interested in opening our calgary show?" My whole body went numb, my brain felt like an electric current had just been run through it. Needless to say i had a hard time concentrating on my next client. I was conflicted. In December i tore my hamstring and I am to this day still recovering from that injury. I knew if i trained and performed i could cause even more serious damage. Also, i had never performed for an event such as this, and I was really in doubt that I was even good enough for it. I thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Regardless of my fears and doubts i had to do this. I practiced almost every day. I fought complete breakdowns, anxiety attacks, not to mention physical and mental exhaustion. In the end EVERYTHING, ALL OF IT, was worth it.
To fill a 10 minute slot I recruited a couple girls, one of my absolute best friends in the world, and someone i knew would be there for me no matter what @iamawildunicorn and another lady who doesn't really know a thing about SG but i knew was a strong dancer.
We were suppose to show up at 5 for soundcheck, but we got turned around and were late. I FUCKING hate being late, so already i was on edge. First person i saw was @sunshine. Im pretty sure i came off like a total ditz, I was fangirling so hard. Plus i had no idea what i was doing. Then i met @cheri and she was awesome, she explained to me all about where to put my props and our music and really made me feel less freaked out. We then went to set up our pole for our test run and OUR POLE WAS BROKEN! Holy fuck, worst nightmare, so the other dancer left to get a different one, thank goodness that was possible. She would return 2 hours later. The pole was set up as the audience was getting settled. So no test run, no soundcheck, no nothing. All the girls in charge were so sweet and understanding about it all too.
Then we were shown our green room. As I am walking up the stairs there sits @katherine, she looks up from her phone, gives me a beautiful smile and says Hi. To me? By this time it hits me how surreal this situation is. I give her a huge dorky smile and say OH HIIII!!! Then i look over and i see @peneloppe looking fucking flawless sitting on the couch feet from me. She also looks over and says hi. We go up to our greenroom and get settled. Then up the stairs walks @liryc . I wish i could decribe how insanely down to earth all these girls are. But Liryc stood there for the longest time and we just chatted. About little things. I tried my best to not be shy, and she made it so easy, all the girls did. As I got ready for my performance the rest of the ladies came into the backroom. @yuni who is fucking fierce and just so sweet, @cartoon who is hilarious and i adore her silliness and @sunny, who when she saw me, i shit you not, gave me the BIGGEST hug and told me how awesome it was to see me. @Sunny is so special and makes everyone around her feel the same, she is so gifted that way. I got to stand there while they got prepped for thier show. I could have died there, and i would have died happy. I mean that in the least creepy way possible. I just mean, i felt for the first time i wasn't outside looking in, I was part of something amazing. Oh and for the record, @katherine is even sexier in person, i could hardly take my eyes off her, it's rare that someone so stunning is so nice, but she is an absolute sweetheart. I would love to say that i hung out and chatted with the girls and that i was so super cool and chill, but to be honest, i didnt know how. I kinda felt like who am i to talk to these cool people? I would learn that weekend that feeling that way was totally unnecessary.
Then it was time.
@iamawildunicorn was up first. The crowd was electric. It was painful, because i couldn't watch my best friend perform, just peek under the curtain every now and then and listen to the crowd. She came back, panting heavy and told me the pole was super slippery. Not ideal.
Then it was Victoria. Again the crowd was great. By this time my palms were getting sweaty and my stomach was turning. At the same time, this is always when my super confidence starts and I was excited. Victoria comes back from her performance and tells me the pole was unscrewing and not to step on the platform edges because they were lifting up. Again very much not ideal!
I step out, my body is filled with butterflies and i get jittery, but i become someone much greater than myself. As my friends call it, i went full Lita. The embodiment of sexy and full of confidence. The crowd is large, the lights are bright and they have started cheering before i have even started. A good sign.
The music starts and my body takes over, i feel the energy from the crowd and i am diggin it. I go through my routine and everytime i pull off a combo and the crowd goes wild i feel like this is where I love to be. I did forget one combo, i had to improvise, but thats the reality of a performer. The real trick is making sure no one notices. It is hard to explain, but it was both the longest and the shortest 3.5 minutes of my life. I finished and the crowd went nuts. I did it! And I feel i did it well. All the hard work, breakdowns, exhaustion, anxiety -all worth it.
(Photo cred. @mdt)
I ran up to my green room, tears in my eyes, still shaking from the rush, looked in the mirror and knew, this was the best day of my life.
After i got changed i fought my way to the front row to watch the show. I dont think that giant dorky smile left my face the whole night. I have an intense respest for the ladies of the @blackheartburlesque. After the show I was hanging out back with @knox @iamawildunicorn and @mdt and @yuni and @cartoon came out and hung out with us a bit. Then @mdt and I got to walk @peneloppe to the tour bus. All the ladies were impossibly nice and made me feel like i was special. Like i was someone greater than myself. And more than anything, I realized the ladies of the @blackheartburlesque are just normal people, normal people who do incredible things. I will forever be grateful for this experience. And I will never forget the love everyone showed me.
Thank you everyone,
Lita
@missy @rambo @lyxzen
